Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I like my new gun.

A friend of mine gave me a new gun for my birthday. You know you've got cool friends when they give you guns or gun-related gifts.

Oh, sure, I keep guns lying around like other people keep ashtrays. But like ashtrays, you can never have enough.

It's a .380. For you folks who haven't yet caught on to the need to defend yourself against Frankenstein's Monster, I will tell you that it is pronounced "three-eighty."

It's known as a pocket gun. A wee little thing, a nice complement to the big fat fuckin guns that I normally carry.

Vermont has no gun laws. Nope. Don't need 'em. We already have laws against murdering people and stuff. So you can carry a gun any way you like --concealed, exposed, whatever. When I go to a party, we often show off our new guns. I went to the bank the other day. It was nice knowing that I had two guns on me.

A .380 is considered a "suboptimal" round. A "round" is the entire package of bullet, brass casing, and gunpowder. The size and power of the round is dictated by the size of the gun, as well as other physical considerations. Point is, the .380 makes a good backup gun to have strapped to your ankle. Or you can shove it in the wasteband of your shorts when you mow the lawn.

Though termed suboptimal because of its lessened "stopping power" --efficacy in killing someone-- the .380 is a decent round. You forty-five guys can cluck all you want, but a .45 is no good if I'm not going to carry it. Suboptimal though it may be, a shot in the face will cause a thug to reconsider his course of action.

It's a nice, little, domestically produced "double-action only" weapon. A double-action only weapon is one such that a stiff pull on the trigger is required to fire each successive round. This gun has, I think, a seven or eight-pound pull. To put this in perspective, you could hang a five-pound bag of sugar from the trigger and not accidently fire it. I like double-action only weapons for their safety. Again, you won't carry a gun if you don't feel safe with it. It's damn near impossible to accidently fire a double-action only weapon.

So If you're new to handguns, you may consider a double-action only semiautomatic or a revolver.

You may consider leaving a 12-gauge shotgun lying around. A Mossberg 500, maybe. Load it with birdshot, then buckshot, then a slug. And then another birdshot, another buckshot, and another slug. One for the ass, one for the torso, and one for the engine block of the thug's getaway car.

Enjoy your new gun. Frankenstein's Monster isn't counting on you having one. And this copperhead has plenty...