Saturday, October 07, 2006

Is The Dennis Hastert gay, too?

Oh no.

Story

This may bear investigating.

So we're all in agreement then.

All the Republicans get killed.

And then we say to the Democrats, "Roll back all federal legislation to 9-10-01 or you get killed, too."

Legislating under duress? Sure. But it's no worse than legislating under lies.

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Uh, this is nothing.

PITTSBURGH (AP) - Protesters greeted Florida Gov. Jeb Bush on his way to a campaign event for a Pennsylvania senator, and he briefly took refuge in a subway station supply closet to avoid the anti-Republican demonstrators.

Story

"Chris, why do you do comedy?"

It's certainly not to make your dead asses laugh.

You do fine by yourselves, sitting on the couch watching TV, shoveling chips into your fat faces and shitting yourselves. You don't need my help.

I took it up because of 9-11.

There's a war on, folks. And you don't even know who the actors are, much less what the strategy or objective is. The world almost became embroiled in a catastrophic war a few weeks ago. Do you remember? Or is your show on now? You likely would miss such a war; it likely would last less than fifteen minutes.

Objective? World domination. Nothing new. Hell, _I_ want to rule the world. There has never been a shortage of people who want to rule the world.

Strategy? Dictatorships worldwide. It's what I would do; they are an efficient means of governance. Dictatorships exist nearly everywhere already. The one country that stood in the way of a world dictatorship was the United States.

How to turn the US into a dictatorship? 9-11. Easy as pie to figure out. ...Unless you're a television watcher, in which case you know nothing --so please be quiet now. Let the big people talk... You know, the ones who read those silly old books and stuff. The ones whose minds have not been reduced to mush.

Who's behind it all? Businessmen. Nothing especially shocking. Make more money. The love of money is the root of all evil. Their souls are empty and they seek to fill them with money and power.

Your society was attacked on 9-11. But you don't even know who your true enemy is. You're chasing your tails, spinning yourselves into your own prison cells.

If you do not win this war, your society is doomed --as are all future human societies. Once the prison cell door closes, it doesn't open again. Is this something your television-addled brain can understand?

Who am I? Think of me as your neighborhood drill instructor.

.

I am an actor in this war. My weapon is ridicule. It is likely the most effective weapon that one man can wield. That is why I took up stand-up comedy: So that I could learn how to destroy things. You will know that I have been successful if I make you cry. I have given some of my targets a good reason to cry for once...

Who are my targets? I will not divulge them all, but here are some that you may have seen me work over. I have selected them for tactical purposes:

1. Republicans
2. Evangelical Christians (The "rosary bead fingering set," as I informally call them.)
3. Jews

"Chris big meanie. He make fun of us for no reason. He mean man." Not really. It's just that you accidently find yourself in the middle of a group of people who need destroying. Meanness really isn't a factor. But I will inflict maximum emotional harm. Make no mistake: I fully intend to leave my targets reeling. And the Future People are loving every minute of it.

Let's go down the list:

Republicans. An especially odious bunch. They are retards, as evidenced by the "R" after all of their names. How considerate of the news organizations to remind me...

The Republicans are the party of torture and child sex. Their leader, Lord Pistonbottom, sets the tone for the whole party. The Republicans don't exist anymore. Mission accomplished...

Evangelical Christians. They have been cultivated to provide support for the Republicans. They're making the world safe for Jesus one AssBanana at a time. I suspect that they are also being cultivated to act as "brown shirts," in the event that foot soldiers in domestic tyranny are required. Watch out for them. You know who they are: Those weirdos who speak in tongues and pray profusely, thinking they're going to be taken up on a spaceship to dine with Jesus. Wait until he delivers the punch line...

It is supremely easy to work a population into a religious fervor. They then make a useful social force. I am working on material to neutralize this threat. They are very dangerous. Do not underestimate them. They're like zombies.

Jews. I have spilled a lot of ink on these people. They were the most challenging target, owing to their painstakingly crafted marketing campaign to deflect any criticism of them. Anyone who takes issue with a Jew is, magically, an "anti-semite." That's fine with me, because anyone who takes issue with me is, magically, "ContraMe." You'll find its definition in my RidicuLexicon.

I spend extra time causing pain for the Jews because I have a special fondness for them. Republicans, evangelical Christians, and journalists could all disappear tomorrow for all I care. But Jews I'm attached to. I would rather not see harm come to them.

The Jews presently find themselves at the epicenter of enormous and very dangerous global power plays.

I will now say some things that are calculated to hurt you:

I have travelled the world and experienced many different cultures. Of them, I can say, truthfully and without reservation --and you can quote me on this-- that the American Jewish culture is the most disgusting one I have encountered yet.

Look at a Jew cross-eyed and she will --in one, well practiced motion-- turn an ankle, break a heel, fall down, start crying, and demand to know why you hate her so much.

Jews are weak and are natural born slaves. The concept of liberty is alien to them.

Jews will smear their enemies. An enemy is one who wishes to talk about Israel's inordinate influence on American policy.

Jews lie incessantly. If a Jew is talking, it's a lie. I can count on one hand the number of Jews I have known who were not pathological liars.

Old chestnuts? Nope. All personal experience.

.

The Jews are in a very dangerous place, because they are caught up with 9-11 actor Israel. 9-11 actor Israel will be erased. This is a foregone conclusion. The world will be better for it, because Israel is an abomination whose task is to secure access to mineral rights. As usual, the Jews are useful idiots. They think it's their homeland or something.

I hope that Jews can extricate themselves from this mess in time.

9-11 truth is now mainstream. No one believes the official 9-11 narrative anymore.

In time, the moving companies, the airport security firms, the art students, the sayanim, the Odigo thing, and all the rest will become known. When combined with the ghastly mess of the past five years and the erection of this domestic police state, it will be open season on Jews. The beatings of Jews in the streets will eclipse anything their grandparents could possibly recount.

So if you're smart --which is not a safe bet-- you will get out in front of this thing. "Hey...uh...we didn't know these guys were up to this. These are the guys you're looking for, we'll deliver them to you, and help you put them on trial."

.

I do not at all care for the events of the past five years. They have all been based on a lie. They were based on the machinations of businessmen and their mineral outpost, Israel.

I don't care for this police state.

If space aliens were to come down tomorrow and say, "We're stranded. We need to get home, but we need your Jews for fuel," I'd have to say OK. Take them. They're more trouble than they're worth.

You likely won't consider these words; it's not your style. It's just that everyone hates you, remember? It's everyone else's fault, right?

I say these things because I love you. But you're too stupid to know that. No one ever accused a Jew of being bright.

------------

Postscript:

In my privately produced movies, all Jews will be portrayed this way:

-They cry nonstop.
-They lie the most implausible lies.
-They work exclusively as accountants or prostitutes. If you need your money counted or if you need to put your cum in something, you pick the Jew of your choice. That's what it's there for.

Are you crying? Get in practice, because I haven't even started inflicting pain on you yet.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Five years behind the curve, as usual.

As a senior technician, I employed junior techs for grunt work. "Trace out these cables and tell me where they lead." My time was better spent devising conceptual models of possible faults. One does not countenance the suppositions of a junior technician.

Comedians employ journalists for the same purpose.

Know your place.

---------

(This piece is not targeted to those journalists who get it.)

Republican = Dead Man Walking

The Republicans' days in power are over. This is plainly evident.

This will come to pass, along with trials and executions, unless the Republicans retain power.

They can't rig the elections this time, because a rigging sufficient to overcome their disfavor would be statistically plainly visible in exit polls.

Be mindful of who might benefit from "terrorist" acts, especially one that might kill large numbers of Americans.

In that case, you would benefit by closely examining Republicans and Jews.

Should the legal mechanisms of the United States be brought to bear against the citizenry, you have the moral authority to defend yourself using all most minimally effective means. (This includes lethal force, in the event that lesser methods do not secure your physical safety.)

You are entering a dangerous no-man's-land of politics, but it is one that can be safely negotiated to a return to the rule of law. In this no-man's-land, you alone are responsible for your physical safety.

Jew = Toilet

Use a Jew as you see fit. It's in its nature to be employed in that fashion.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

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Hastert's yarmulke has flown off.

"He said if he thought that resigning would be helpful to the Republicans maintaining the majority, he would do it," Weyrich said in an interview. "But he did not think it would helpful for Republicans."

Story

There's going to be a party...later...

"Congress ready to celebrate end-of-war party
Politicians have $20 million set aside, despite poor news out of Iraq"

Story

This is fun.

I wonder if Lord Pistonbottom or Filthy Shit Eater Alberto Gonzalez even have _time_ to tongue my asshole.

Yeah...

One, you're not the kicking-ass type. And, two, you don't even come up with good names.

Story

"[Kerry] refers to Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-TN) as the 'spokesperson for the 'Retreaticans.''"

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Bravo.

Now it's the AP. Big surprise. Here's your award. Give us a smile...

Story

--------

To be fair, it appears to have happened only the once, unlike Fox's THREE, perfectly noticeable instances.

I like your stapler.

So the Republicans are the party of torture _and_ child sex.

It's a good thing that right-thinking morals are back in style.

We are all being very effective chaining this beast back down.

Give yourselves a round of applause. I mean that.

I saw the most beautiful, beautiful American flag the other day.

It was on a car. And it had tatters all over it, and it was filthy, and the stitching was long since gone, and it looked like a complete piece of shit.

Nice flag you've got the hard-on for.

The Republicans' defense amounts to

reminding everyone how other people have scandals! Oh my! Why aren't we talking about them?!

When I was nineteen and in the Navy, I once performed --against my initial will-- in a live sex show in a bar in the Philippines.

It involved two women and an audience of some two hundred, not-entirely-disinterested sailors and marines. I will tell you more later.

The Pathos Protection League is at it again.

"Tony Judt Speech Shut Down by ADL"

Story

Abe, am I going to have to pull your pants down and spank you again?

Who's Tony Judt? Don't know.

What was he going to talk about? Don't know. Don't care. Might have liked to find out, though.

---------

The Pathos Protection League is the boo hoo chorus of the whole, "Can we have these mineral rights, er, I mean, our ancestral homeland over here?" crowd.

"Trot out those rotted corpses, their memories be damned!"

And did this event actually happen? Don't know. But it's the ADL's M.O.

Can't talk now, I guess. That's Jews for you.

I don't think Abe understands that it's now a liability to have one's Jewishness known. You're yesterday's news.

Do Republicans know that this woman is talking again?

"Harris implies Dems, media knew of Foley scandal"

Story

Oh, this is going to be bad --gloriously, that is...

"Protests, insults disrupt Kristol 9/11 speech"

Story

"I came here to learn, and I feel it disintegrated," said business graduate student Ted Egner. "It's kind of embarrassing to the school. That is such kooky talk. I wanted to learn more about defying physics."

Ignore Kissinger. He's a retread.

So is Woodward. Woodward is not a journalist; he is The Original Manila Envelope Recipient. Big difference.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

I don't give a shit if Foley was molested.

This doesn't mean that you can cultivate a young man's confidence so that you can suck his dick.

You're just another fuckin government cocksucker.

Foley's a dipshit? I thought he was a retard.

About Fox News labeling Foley as a Democrat:

Fox News isn't even trying to _appear_ like a news organization anymore. This is the end of the line for them. They know this.

Story

I will be traveling to Boston on October 6.

I do not wish to be disturbed in the enjoyment of my business.

I hear the cosmos vomiting.

"ROSS: We’re hearing quite a bit from former pages. They’re sending us all sorts of messages about possible other members."

Monday, October 02, 2006

Trust me, their depravity runs as deep as you care to dig.

Story

Torture and child sex are the same thing. And you've bought into half of it.

More SophistoTalk

"Soledad, that's so silly. No one knew anything about rosy plums being inserted into boypussy. I don't think that's being alleged. And... where one unloads it really is...I think...something that we'll just have to take a wait-and-see on. You know, this administration has been accused --variously, might I add-- of wearing both rose-colored glasses _and_ something else. So, really, when you think about it, you see that that precisely disproves your position. There. [nods head. smooths shirt]"

Video

What... what might be in here?

"[The Dennis] Hastert read a prepared statement in which he denied having any knowledge about the online conversations from 2003. 'No one in the Republican Leadership, nor Congressman Shimkus, saw those messages until last Friday when ABC News released them to the public.'"

This is easily disproven. Hastert will be caught in a lie, just when our appetite for them is...waning... and people will wonder whyever such a lurid... lurid scandal might be covered up. Don't want to open that can of worms, you know.

I am brothers with all my brothers'.

The mob. Jesus Christ. Are we trotting this out again?

"If the mob has explosives and a terrorist wants them and they have the money, they could become instant friends," he said.

Story

The mob.

"The Internet has become the new Afghanistan, allowing terrorist sympathizers to promote their radical ideas and to recruit and train followers right [from] their home computers. That makes it far more difficult for investigators to identify them."

I am going to kick your asses all over this stage. And I do it for decency and justice. Get it right.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Well he's caused quite a stir.

"We do not rule out that Mr. Cohen is serving someone's political order designed to present Kazakhstan and its people in a derogatory way. (…)We reserve the right to any legal action to prevent new pranks of the kind ", Kazakh Foreign Ministry
spokesman Yerzhan Ashykbayev told a news briefing."

Yeah, that's not really how it works with a comedian. He affects characters based on their artistic placement together.

You really can't conclude anything from his act. Because that would be a function of logic. Art is not logical. _He_ probably doesn't even know what he's up to.

Just watch it. That's all you can do. Don't think. Just watch.

There's just so many weirdos in Vermont. Sheesh, what is it with those hicks?

"I'm an old war horse and a candidate for the U.S. House of Representatives from Vermont who believes we must impeach Bush and Cheney, and we must remove the neoconservative cabal from power.

Our great nation has suffered a coup."

Story

Nice garbage news.

"Video showing Atta, bin Laden is unearthed. Two 9/11 hijackers pictured at Afghan terror training camp in 2000."

Story

Yup. This video was just magically "unearthed."

The video is not relevant considering that it is not theoretically possible for a jet to impart the energy needed to collapse a building.

Good thing MSNBC isn't a cable provider; the system would never get fixed.

[yawn] "Oh, boy... what crap can I print today? ...Are there any manila envelopes on my desk?"

No, he probably got his assed kicked because he was an asshole.

"Web site says liberals beat student GOP leader; police say no
Police: Student picked fight with friends at party, got punched"

Story

Maybe Mister...Zatkoff...had better discern the new reality.