Saturday, November 11, 2006

Yahoo! Music: That's Right by Blank and Jones

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You know what Congress should do...

They should write their own legislation.

And I don't mean with staffers or whatever.

Every legislator actually sits down and works on legislation. From the writing to the photocopying.

That fuckin monster would die immediately.

Is that it, then?

"Members of Congress, members of the United State military, all veterans, all volunteers who have sworn to uphold the security of the United States, I thank your families for being here and I thank our veterans."

Story

I thought it was "uphold and defend the Constitution." I guess we're not doing that anymore. Guess no one cared.

Everyone's defending United States Government LLC now. OK.

Howard Dean was such the complete kookie head.

...What with that cockamamie electoral planning scheme of his while overseeing Democratic somethings. Yeah, it only gave you the election. You had pre-existing candidates and visibility, even in the hinterlands.

Now that retread Carville wants to get rid of him.

Carville says, "Suppose Harold Ford became chairman of the DNC? How much more money do you think we could raise? Just think of the difference it could make in one day. Now probably Harold Ford wants to stay in Tennessee. I just appointed myself his campaign manager."

Well guess what, Carville? I just appointed you "Chief Fuckwad of the Year, James Carville." Sit down before I elevate you.

I voted for George Bush.

Back in 2000. Back when I still had some faith in the system.

I voted for him because I liked him.

I didn't know he would sell me out.

Yahoo! Music: Azure No.3 by Steffen Basho-Junghans

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Pay me to save the world.

Installing telecommunications equipment is probably not the highest and best use of my time.

I would like to make at least thirty thousand dollars per year. This will pay my bills. It will enable me to dedicate my time to delivering spot-on political analysis, some vicious, vicious stabbings, more madcap adventures, and short films. This donation scheme is a tentative first step to developing a revenue model that will keep the lights on and the funny coming.

If you would like to contribute to my bust-a-gut, world-saving efforts, please consider donating to Chris King Pop Icon's "Pay Me to Save the World" Fund. All contributions will remain confidential.

Click the button below. Paypal is a service that allows for electronic payments. They accept all major credit cards.
















Thanks in advance to those who find my efforts worthwhile.

Yahoo! Music: Lover's Spit by Broken Social Scene

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Yeah.

I love how everyone is jumping on the bandwagon, giving George Bush hell while it's safe to do so.

It's already been done. Please sit down now.

He got some very bad counsel. He's already paid the price. Let the man alone.

----------

Postscript: I didn't have time to work it into the thing, but it's directed only at the johnny-come-latelys in the media, who had not already been ridiculing him.

Olmert's weighing in...

""Olmert said, "in order not to undermine the very delicate balance of moderate countries and emirates in the Middle East. This is the main consideration, and America will be very careful before it makes a step that will endanger the very delicate balance in this region of the world which is important to the stability of much larger regions of the world.""

Story

I hate harping on things, Mr. Olmert... But 9-11 actor Israel will be erased. Your statements seem funny.

Friday, November 10, 2006

I saw that Borat movie today.

I liked it very much.

Mr. Cohen should have been arrested or killed at some point during the filming of that movie. He appears to be divinely protected.

It was a cognitively jarring experience. I never really knew what was happening. (Aside, obviously, from the stated plot.)

Weeks ago, I loved reading all those articles in the papers that proposed to divine for the reader's illumination just what Mr. Cohen was up to.

Yes, he will employ irony. But don't forget that he may reserve the right to plainly state a sentiment. And you won't know which is which without closer inspection.

The comedian is forcing you to examine each statement --that is, each proffered reality.

Well that didn't last long.

You people are already going astray. I saved the world, so I guess I'm kind of obligated to see that it not be reduced to shit so soon.

I was thinking about starting a distinct, new show. A change of wardrobe and a breather. New title, maybe. It would require taking a couple weeks' vacation.

But I don't know what I would do without you people. (You know, the ones who exist most likely entirely inside my mind. Because I have no empirical proof that any of you are seeing my show and, thus, exist at all. Welcome to my world.)

So maybe a compromise: I'll just continue doing a show, and this will evolve into whatever it's supposed to be. I do want to focus on more fun stuff. I can't handle doing vicious material all the time. We were in some hairy situations, folks. It was no time to mince words. I meant everything I ever said, though I may not have had the time or the inclination to package the sentiment in such a way that I controlled your minds into thinking that I was the best. You see.

But there is an artistic beauty to a well crafted sentiment. Since we have the time, I would like to engage in more of them.

Pssst.

[Chris just offstage, changing wardrobe]

No... We _do_ want the Patriot Act gone. We want habeas corpus back, we want DHS destroyed and its commie in chief arrested, and we want all post-9/11 "terrorism"-related legislation rolled back. It was all based on lies.

If you don't do that, then that abomination continues to bear no likeness to the United States.

Oh, and start sidling away from 9-11 actor Israel.

No foolin. Let's stay on track. You can take your minimum wage and your health care and shove them up your ass.

Do not take your cue from the average dumbass in the street. At no time did they have any idea how close they were to having a boot on their necks forever. We have a little breathing room. Dismantle this police state now while you have the chance.

Yahoo! Music: Exit Music (For A Film) by Brad Mehldau

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Yahoo! Music: Look What You've Done by Jet

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Yahoo! Music: Will You Ever Love Yourself

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Thursday, November 09, 2006

Yahoo! Music: Great Wolf Of No Tracks by Boduf Songs

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Wednesday, November 08, 2006

My little body is tired.

This war has taken a lot out of me. While I do not pronounce it over, the largest battle yet is finished.

I need to eat more and drink and smoke less. I need to get my head together.

I will be taking a vacation.

When I return I want to do more fun things, like short films.

Yahoo! Music: The Boys Are Back In Town by Thin Lizzy

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The Straussian, Trotskyite, Neocon infection is gone.

But they never go away. They will immediately seek a new host...

Let's see if you can rebuild your nation.

I like to give credit where credit is due.

The line about "I worked harder on this campaign than Karl Rove did, apparently," was off-the-cuff, spontaneous, and very funny. I laughed out loud.

Good on you.

Thanks for coming.

[Chris seated at desk, carefully lining up pens and delicately positioning a desk blotter that doesn't really need positioning. Folds hands and addresses those in attendance: The Dining-with-Jesus Snake Handlers, the Blood-Soaked Dreidel Spinners and Penny Shiners, and the Boy Pussy Fanclub:]

"The Reckoning starts now."

Speaker Pelosi,

If you find any boy-rape videos in The Dennis Hastert's office, please return them to The 'Tard. They're overdue.

Yahoo! Music: Victorius D by Pinback

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This song reminds me of New York. I would listen to it riding the train.

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Yahoo! Music: Ghost by Neutral Milk Hotel

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Well I got to give it to Heberman.

...He knows his moves...

I saw a video of Ken Mehlman today.

The man just oozes lies.

No.

Fuck talking about what words to use --not investigation but oversight-- people want those people dead.

Nancy Pelosi could not possibly use too strong a string of words to describe the rage in this country.

Compliment

That was a great hour.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Heckle

You do not screw with a black woman. She wins already.

Heckle

You...fuckin suck! I don't...fuckin...get off me! [wrests free of the security guard] Fuck all you people! And you too, comedian...[shakes finger at the stage and trips on a woman]

Heckle

More cantakerous old fucks! Whooo!

Heckle

Well if it ain't for Correspondent Melon Jugs! Whooo! Stop by my office at Viacom later.

Heckle

Colbert won that one, you New York Jew! Ha! Beat that one.

Heckle

Midterm Midtacular! Whooo! Big fuckin deal! Let's vote, everyone!

I have decided that I will completely fuck with Stewart and Colbert tonight.

Their election-eve show is live tonight.

Check back here for my live, drunken heckles.

(Hey: That's _my_ normal time slot. I write from about ten until two)

Well the Democrats have already started cooking up lists of who they're going to steal from.

"We're going to have universal (shitty and expensive) healthcare! We won't defend the body, but, hey!, if you can stay out of the gulag we'll give you free healthcare for it! We're going to introduce our very own economic distortions into the system and, with any luck, we'll leave a lasting Democratic imprimatur upon the resulting pile of shit."

Just in time. I was getting tired of ridiculing Republicans. All the better material had already been picked over anyhow.

Here is the HBO documentary on Diebold's crap machines.

It's disturbing to watch.

Documentary

This is nice.

"TERRELL, Texas (AP) -- A prosecutor killed himself as police tried to serve him with an arrest warrant alleging he solicited sex with a minor, authorities said."

Story

Texas = Bush = Child Sex

You have to admit it:

There were so many jokes where you just thought to yourselves, "He is so going to get killed."

So Charlie Crist didn't want the informational association with The 'Tard.

""Air Force One was en route to Pensacola, Florida where President Bush planned to campaign for gubernatorial candidate Charlie Crist, who decided to "no show.""

Story

Too late. You are officially connected to The 'Tard.

Why is this experience all that I have of Jews?

Story

Republicans = Illuminati = Lucifer Worship

Monday, November 06, 2006

I pronounce it "sangw-eye-n"

I figure if people know what word you're talking about, then you must have pronounced it right.

Cheney's going hunting

so that he can be out of town on election day. Get it?

That man is up to no good tomorrow.

Story

I would ask that Iran restore order to Iraq.

I can't tolerate the ghastliness there any longer.

American troops had best not be in the way should they do me this favor.

There's one picture of Richard Perle sitting in a chair.

His body is as ugly as his soul.

Yahoo! Music: Urban Hymn by Blank and Jones

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This is the sound The Field makes when it destroys things. That movement of energy can be described audibly.

You called down the thunder.

Well now you've got it.

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Listen up, you Wall Street fat cats (and similar types.)

That's right, moneybags, I'm talkin to you.

Want to give something back to the world? Go to Amazon and buy ten copies of TerrorStorm. You know, the documentary that exposes 9-11. You know, the lie you don't have the guts to talk about. The lie that's ruined this nation.

Alex Jones makes next to nothing (if anything) from the sales of these DVDs. He openly encourages people to copy and distribute his films. Unlike you, he ain't in it for the money.

It is important to order this film from this link because it pushes it up in the Amazon rankings and exposes it to a wider audience. It is flirting with the top ten most popular DVDs at Amazon. It needs to stay there.

This is an information war. You've been drafted.

Go here and buy ten. I did. Buy a hundred. Or a thousand. I know full fuckin well you can afford it.

Amazon TerrorStorm Link

If you have the cash to do so and you don't buy this now, don't show your face around here again.

Now, I'm not big on the utterances of Dipshits --or Retards, for that matter-- but at least this one tells it like it is.

"In an interview from her Capitol office, Pelosi characterized Tuesday's vote as a referendum on the war, shrugged off President Bush's efforts to make her liberalism a national issue, described the current GOP leadership as a "freak show," and expressed confidence about her party's prospects to pick up the 15 seats it needs for a majority."

"Asked whether she takes offense at Bush's characterization of her, Pelosi grimaced. 'No. No. He knows I don't mind. Why would I mind if the president of the United States, whom I have called incompetent, would try to undermine me?'"

Story

See? Speaking the truth didn't cause a rift in the space-time continuum. It's good for the soul.

"No, don't use that wonder drug that grows everywhere; prescribe this toxic crap instead."

"Since California passed the nation's first medical marijuana law a decade ago, a provision requiring written doctor approval to grow and buy pot has created conflict between the state mandate and federal drug laws, and strained the doctor-patient relationship."

Story

This is a classic economic crime and has zero moral claim to observance.

"GlaxoSmithKlineDrugCorp LLC will be very angry with us if we let people treat themselves inexpensively. Come with us, please."

Fuck off.

I will point out that cannabis is very good for treating depression. It lifts the spirits without having to resort to toxic drugs that, oh, make you want to kill yourself and stuff.

Yay pharmaceuticals!

Yahoo! Music: New Slang by The Shins

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Yahoo! Music: Wild, Wild West by The Escape Club

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This is the music for the parade scene of "Chris' Madcap Adventures on Planet Credulon."

In it, there is a lawnmower parade through downtown Cootersville.

Most people are wearing crowd-pleasing WTC T-shirts and smoke Hi-Vals.

The parade has a brigade of people with dogs' heads sewn on their bodies. They gesticulate in time with the music and do dance moves.

Then there is the baby carriage procession, where each carriage has a smiling baby with intestines growing out of its ears and eyes winking (in time to the music) on belly-mounted eye stalks.

Chris wonders what the fuck is going on.

After the parade, people return to their homes to see that they are occupied by Chinese people, who now own the country. The residents of Cootersville are presented with a pair of flip-flops and are driven to the town dump, where they rummage through garbage to the tune of Lee Greenwood playing in the background.

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Sunday, November 05, 2006

The Bad Man is convicted.

"BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP) - Saddam Hussein was convicted Sunday and sentenced to hang for crimes against humanity in the 1982 killings of 148 people in a single Shiite town."

That's it? A hundred and fifty people?

What about the sociopaths who killed hundreds of thousands over the past three years?

Not to mention that Saddam Hussein was installed by --and worked for-- the CIA.