Sunday, July 02, 2006

A Demotion for Alberto

It doesn't happen often, but it seems I was wrong about something. I improperly tarred Chief Legal Sophist Alberto Gonzalez as the architect behind The Supreme Leader of Cucka Land's unitary executive theory. It was actually the brainchild of one John C. Yoo.

Allie --may I call you Allie, Allie?-- Allie just runs water. Good thing, too, because he certainly doesn't run a convincing press conference. I suppose the term "sophist" implies an ability to not look stupid. [Government plant: "Hey, guys, stop playing X-Box. Don't you want to stick it to the man? You know what you guys should do... We --I mean, you-- should blow something up! I'll order some fertilizer for you?... ... ...OK, then. We're all in agreement." That was a real coup against the Flying Car People, Allie. Have some self-respect. Your bosses are using your...inviting...mouth...]

I'm no Indian-giver; so although Mr. Gonzalez would be more properly known as Legal Lackey to the Stars or something, I will allow him to keep his more prestigious title.

And in an apology to Mr. Yoo, I hereby devise an even better appellation: Special Attache for Legal Legerdemain.

Sorry, Allie, I've got to take your three-card monty table away from you and give it to its rightful owner, Mr. Yoo.

And when the Citizens' Lawful Government Tribunals get underway, I'll send them to see the Special Attache... And we'll let you minister to our...needs. ...a service to which you are uniquely suited.