How deliciously contemporaneous this is.

Story

BTW

"brb...my mom is yelling"

means

"you are a complete freak and I am terminating this communication. Even if I _were_ gay, you are old and ugly."

"Get a ruler and measure it for me."

I outdo even myself.

"Where do you unload it?"

This. just. gets. worse.

A PDF file of some more of Foley's kickin it with the kids

Do I...ahem...make you a little horny?

Well he went down quick.

Now let's work on the rest of them.

And wait: Foley. He was (I think) the guy who comissioned the computer programmer in Florida to write purposefully hackable voting machine software. The Orlando Weekly did a piece on that.

This is going to be extremely bad for the Republicans.

They can't stop this cascade. Informationally, it would take longer to fix than they have time.

Oops. They had a pedophile oversee the procurement of their dark product.

"Vermonters proceed with secession talks."

Story

Right on time. The United States no longer exists. It's legally defunct. The remaining apparatus bears no legal resemblance to the United States. It, therefore, is not the United States. Where did it go? I don't care.

And if you think that decent people will allow outrages to be perpetrated in their names, you are insane.

Tom Foley's kickin it with the kids on MySpace.

"Glad your home safe and sound. We don't go back into session until Sept. 5. I am back in Florida now. It's raining. Sounds like your having fun. ...So how old are you now? How big is your cock?"

Story

To be fair, no one is alleging Foley had any sexual contact with the boy. Foley may be interested in an aboveboard, loving relationship with the boy. ...But that's usually not the case...

My Horoscope

(Which is an economically efficient means of conveying information.)

It reads:


"Your love life was zip, and suddenly it's zap. A new romance unfolds, and it's as if you've never known what love was until now. Let the details slide. It's hard to be practical when you're on cloud nine."

This is actually true. I think. It seems to be... If I'm not jumping the gun.

Informationally, this would not have been an economical event unless the world would survive.

I have won.

I will work for Comedy Central for one hundred thousand dollars per year.

But it has to be done in Vermont. I've tried the New York thing. It didn't work for me. Not to mention that I enjoy answering the door with a Glock on my belt.

And until I get sick of this arrangement, not to be less than some reasonable amount of product. And I retain complete creative control.

This offer stands for five business days --after which it will be targeted to all other networks, and to the exclusion of Comedy Central.

I propose that we do a weekend show. Fri-Sun. There is too much important stuff happening on the weekends that is not being covered.

I will be marketing my offensiveness this way: "Jesus H. Christ...[shaking head]" "Jesus H. Christ is right! As a matter of fact..." It's a winner. (Unless such marketing should no longer be necessary at that time. Point is, we can explain away whatever perceived liability. It's a simple marketing issue.)

Any interested parties may contact me at i_like_your_boobs@chriskingpopicon.com .

Wait. Sshhh. What is the New York Times up to?

If it's any good, then I retract anything bad I ever said.

And then I shall issue to you the...complementary...adjunct which is:

87eyrsgfdsywdytwq6etwuedwqhjhsbfcu

And when combined with Bum Bum Cockadoodie Paper --by an algorithm only of my knowing-- it becomes:

"The Best Specialness Joy Paper. So Fuck Off."

See? You didn't even get it. You're so stupid.

This is perhaps the funniest thing I have ever seen. It is a vision of compact hilarity:

10 nail
20 goto 10

This is perhaps the funniest thing I have ever seen. It is a vision of compact hilarity:

10 nail
20 goto 10

This is the turning point. Here you go.

Story

Is there anyone better to handle this dark business?

Every dog has his day.

Should I ever become...perturbed...I might make a mistake.

You don't want that.

Yes.

You used to fight to _avoid_ death. Now, if you fight, you assure your several deaths.

And that, as I have already informed you, is okay with me.

Stand down. Or you will all die. Does that fuck up your output? Good. Turn off the computers.

I have denied you the ability to predict the state of this system, remember?

I still have not gotten my MREs and my keychain radioactivity meter.

I ordered them both online about three weeks ago, from different companies, and magically have not received either order.

This doesn't really...impact...your standing, does it? I would sure like my stuff.

Thanks. ...in advance. Yours sincerely. Chris King Pop Icon, The Chief Executive Officer of CKPI Industries.

I can't build you up without first breaking you down.

You'll thank me in the end.

We got it covered, thanks.

By the way, if you are not a comedian then you must be respectable. Find your own act.

Your job is to be respectable. We need some of everything.

I can never tell if people on TV are talking to me.

I'm convinced I'm insane as it is. I don't need to be thinking that people on TV are talking to me.

Or are they? Welcome to my world.

The Wall Street Journal is JewPaper Junior.

They just loooooooooooove war. That's their thing. Ignore them.

They're even worse than Bum Bum Cockadoodie Paper. At least they have a fashion insert.

The Wall Street Journal is JewPaper Junior.

They just loooooooooooove war. That's their thing. Ignore them.

They're even worse than Bum Bum Cockadoodie Paper. At least they have a fashion insert.

"Keith Olbermann Receives a Death Threat, and the New York Post Thinks It's Pretty Darn Funny"

Story


Some tips for surviving in a post-coup world:

1. Ignore JewPaper. JewNews, too. As a matter of fact, ignore all Jews. Their function is to service white people's needs. The Sayanim are natural-born cocksuckers, you know. It's what they're bred to do. When you're done coming, send them on their way. ...Tip them if you must. Compliment them on their pretty, big nose.

2. The Feds are not your friends. They are there to torture and kill you. Have no contact with them.

3. Answer the door with a gun on your belt and a smile on your face. Be emotionally prepared to use them both.

4. Hire a private outfit to go through your mail. Private industry can quickly equip itself to cope with these threats. As a matter of fact, in the near future private industry will act to defend your property and liberty against the thieving and torturing Feds.

...Your...protection...money can be better spent elsewhere apparently...

This is obviously some new species of meta-irony. I'll have to check out their routine.

Story

Faggot? George Bush is a faggot.

This marketing no workee.

Coups are no laughing matter.

"Thais and foreign tourists flocked to the Army Headquarters to take picture with tanks and soldiers. Many gave soldiers flowers or food and drink."

Story

If some good ol' boys drove their tanks into Washington and restored decency and justice to this lawless land, I would give way more than flowers. I would give my favorite LED flashlight and my Zig Zag cigarette roller and my World's Funniest Ha Ha Time DVD.

Coups are no laughing matter.

"Thais and foreign tourists flocked to the Army Headquarters to take picture with tanks and soldiers. Many gave soldiers flowers or food and drink."

Story

If some good ol' boys drove their tanks into Washington and restored decency and justice to this lawless land, I would give way more than flowers. I would give my favorite LED flashlight and my Zig Zag cigarette roller and my World's Funniest Ha Ha Time DVD.

Coups are no laughing matter.

"Thais and foreign tourists flocked to the Army Headquarters to take picture with tanks and soldiers. Many gave soldiers flowers or food and drink."

Story

If some good ol' boys drove their tanks into Washington and restored decency and justice to this lawless land, I would give way more than flowers. I would give my favorite LED flashlight and my Zig Zag cigarette roller and my World's Funniest Ha Ha Time DVD.

Good. Maybe people will finally stop watching TV altogether. It's so good for you, you know.

"Fewer Americans are watching cable news than a year ago, and Fox News is suffering the biggest desertions, according to figures posted Tuesday (Sept. 26, 2006) today on mediabistro.com"

Story

You will want to see this.

Videos

Two videos, ten minutes each.

Or read the New York Times for more of the same old bullshit. (Keep the fashion inserts coming, though. More cute guys, please. Thanks.)

Shutting Down Frankenstein's Monster

It's pretty easy: You disconnect the power source.

You must expose the original lie. Oh, you know what I'm talking about... The lie from which sprang the animating force of this dark regime.

Everyone knows it anyway. Now everyone will know that everyone else knows that 9-11 was an inside job.

And the system will be smashed. It's delightfully easy. ...And a glorious installation of chaos. Keep those kaleidoscope pieces from settling into place...

And you know the consequences of your failure to expose the lie: Destruction of your planet.

So, to recap: You expose the lie or the world is dead. Yes, the emotional, economic, and political consequences of your actions will be significant, but your planet will survive.

Regard your child. Now kill it. ...You will have the redemption you seek.

Condoleeza Rice is a hood rat.

I hadn't spent the time to come up with a joke about her because she's not really relevant. But she needs to be destroyed, evidently.

This filthy broad harbors all manner of disease.

Whoever thought up Macacawitz,

that was very funny.

Bomb development these days is pretty advanced. That some don't explode until the second touch is entirely planned.

Nice culture you got there.

Story

Sometimes politicians work in strange ways.

Hold your judgement for now...

Embrace my chaos.

My positive intent will be enough. Things will order themselves according to my will. I've been doing this for some time now, to great effect...

This has no meaning whatsoever.

"Should jihadists leaving Iraq perceive themselves, and be perceived, to have failed, we judge fewer fighters will be inspired to carry on the fight."

The system has been reduced to talking cockamamie talk.

You didn't even understand the initial irony. Oops.

Economics and Physics are the same discipline.

They just have different conceptual models and thus, a different language.

Oh, wherever is my drink? I have to see this one.

I don't imagine this is going to be good for them.

Story

Is this going to be a serial? I love those.

Have I told you I lead a strange life?

The entirety of my life, consisting of every possible moment that I could have experienced, has been profoundly weird. This is nothing new for me.

I will flip this fuckin thing right over on you.

Er, I mean, I already have...in a protemporal frame...

Stand down now and you will live.

Yeah, we carry this piece of shit at the gas station.

I read it religiously. But then "In Touch Weekly" gets the same treatment from me.

Story

This is, um, kind of important.

"Calls for 'Contingency Paper Ballots' in States, Counties this November to be Paid for by Feds."

Story

Yeah, since your magically fantastic electronic voting machines are easily (and purposefully!) hacked by some guy walking into the voting booth, you'll be wanting to use paper.

While I'm on the topic, I suggest we look _extremely_ closely at any results that are not predicted by exit polls. Those statisticians kind of know what they're talking about. [clears throat] And stuff.

Little Miss Lewinsky

Mr. Clinton was not distracted from the "hunt" for "Osama bin Laden" by Miss Lewinsky. She figures into this more highly.

She was one of the Sayanim.

Someone was using her to get to Bill Clinton. Maybe me think someone no want him find Osama bin Laden...

Don't forget:

1. The Bush family vacations and does business with the bin Laden family. There is, at most, one degree of separation between George Bush and his arch-nemesis, Osama bin Laden. That's unlikely...

2. The bin Ladens had the luxury of being flown out of the country during the no-fly time after 9-11. That's funny. And not in a HaHaTime way.

Enigmatic Post No. 22

"Making connections with strangers will get you some nice surprise perks today."

You mean the now-discredited FBI?

"Five years after the anthrax attacks that killed five people, the FBI is now convinced that the lethal powder sent to the Senate was far less sophisticated than originally believed, widening the pool of possible suspects in a frustratingly slow investigation."

Story

Either it came from Fort Detrick or it didn't. Which is it? It's a little late to be changing your story.

I'm more interested in the enlarged federal jurisdiction that magically appeared as a result of the anthrax "attacks." Whyever might they have needed lockdown authority? ...Especially at American Media... Whatever might have been there that needed...disposing...?...

Not to mention that this comes from the Washington Post, CIA News Central.

I am presently watching Chris Wallace get his ass handed to him.

It's fun.

The currency of this reality has no value to me.

This should win some kind of writing award.

Story

They are attempting to conjure things by naming them.

But since they don't have the will of The Field, they will fail.

They know this.

Public Service Annoucement (PSA)

AboveTheInfluence.com has an anti-marihuana message to share with you.

Video

Some guys sitting on a couch, some guy saying, "See? You could be going nowhere like these guys. So don't smoke more weed. Brought to you by your local distiller."

Well, you could get all fucked up and get in a barfight and shoot your mouthy girlfriend and enlarge your liver.

Or smoke more weed and write a hit play and do an off-off-broadway show (albeit one that sucked, but that's not the point...) ...And see through their lies, and piss people off and have the time of your life doing it.

I heartily endorse weed.

Put your weed in here. I'll tell you a story.

----------

I guess it was called off-off-broadway. I forget. One hundred seats. (Only two were filled at a time, but whatever. I win.)

Stand.

There comes a point in every aspirant's life where he must draw a line of decency. ...beyond which shall not pass vileness.

To fail to defend the line...is to fail to defend one's very conception of decency.

...And your own right to prevail...

So... Are we talking about Osama bin Laden again?

You never hear from him because he doesn't have any lines to speak. Talk to your neighborhood theater type on why this is efficient.

You are living inside a gigantic show.

... ...

If you look closely you will see the...structural...deficiencies...

This man is scared shitless.

Story

"'I'm not going to comment on individual techniques,' said Frist. 'It helps the terrorists. And the reason why -- it helps the terrorists who are going to come and try to assassinate us and the people listening to us right now.'"

He truly believes that he will be executed for War Crimes. He's not sayin anything that could be used against him...

So the Jews have decided they need a marketing overhaul.

They've changed their shtick. Now they're the shadowy underworld masterminds.

It's gonna be tough to turn that ship around, because you've been playing the whiney little bitches thing for so long. You've got to have...street cred...to pull that off.

So the Washington Post is endorsing Joseph Heberman.

That's a surprise.

Story

Washington Post = Jew = AssBananas = EarIntestines = Lies = Police State = Destruction of Your Planet

Nice culture they got there. They were able to whitewash that with a few tears, weren't they?

On the prospect of Heberman's failure to prevail: "The alternative is gridlock."

Does that mean fewer people looking for brains to eat with dog's heads sewn on their bodies? Does that mean less babies with spare eyeballs peering at you from their belly-mounted eyestalks?

Gridlock sounds pretty good to me.

Take up stand-up. You, too, can have the last laugh.

"Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez said Saturday that U.S. President George W. Bush may be seeking to kill him for calling him "the devil" at the United Nations."

Not to mention that he's been called worse. Har-dee-har-har.

Story

Do you see what happens when you don't follow the rules?

How many times do I need to tell you that this is a one-man show?

You are starting to look distinctly stupid.

Scratch-off lottery tickets come in denominations of one through twenty of your earth dollars.

As a general rule, the more expensive the ticket, the larger it will be: The one-dollar one is about the size of a business card. Unremarkable in design. But the twenty-dollar one is big, and fat, and shiny with glistening glimmers of ecstasy-inducing money baths.

One of the one-dollar games is called "The Udder One." It's about cows. You scratch off the udders and see if you see a milk bottle. If you do, you win the amount of money that is shown directly beneath the winning udder.

Some people do not care to spend the effort to ask for it by its proper name. They just say, "I want the cow one."

Another one of the one-dollar games is called "Super Splatters." In it, birds on a wire strung above, presumably, a parking lot or car dealership go poop onto the cars. If you scratch off all five boxes and you find poop as opposed to, say, a leaf, or an inchworm, or a pamphlet, then you win!

The three-dollar tickets involve more brainpower. They have poker games and bingo games. Some people buy only bingo games because they "don't like to play poker." I got a dirty look when I pointed out that it's not really poker --that it's just a computer generated, statistically precise algorithm with a plasticky picture of poker printed on it.

The five-dollar tickets continue the same theme, but they are about five inches long. The tens are about eight, and the twenty has got to be a foot square.

So there's a science to fleecing people out of their money.

Maybe I'll write more about the scratch-off lottery ticket set later.

Pick your gay dictator.

There's a joke in here for everyone.

Ta Da!

This is funny and I had been meaning to tell you this.

I once quite accidently found myself in the possession of legal mechanisms by which I possessed several million dollars.

I cannot tell you anything further.

Who the fuck is Theater Alliance?

"Theater Alliance founder Paul-Douglas Michnewicz, who directed Rusch's play, also will direct Mayer's. 'Mistakes, Inc.' was already 'pretty stage-ready' when he first read it, he says. 'I've asked him to punch it up a little bit -- make the funny things funnier, the punch lines a little zippier.'"

Story

Ooooohhh, there, Mister Director or whatever you are. I certainly hope you talketh the irony...

Don't you fuck up this boy's product. Your job is to turn the lights on.

Yahoo! Music: Nobody's Fault But My Own by Beck

Chris King Pop Icon (nowhere@ckpi.com) has sent you a page from the Yahoo! Music Jukebox. Click here to view the following: Nobody's Fault But My Own by Beck Personal message:

Use the Yahoo! Music Jukebox to discover and buy new music, listen to radio and more.
Don't have the Yahoo! Music Jukebox? Get it Now. It's free. http://music.yahoo.com/musicengine

Logic Breakdown

"...These nuclear arsenals will not benefit anyone. They have to spend so much money destroying them."

This was an important part of the Iranian President's speech at the UN. And maybe I'll view it my way for my purposes...

Has it come down to.destroy the world... or pay to get rid of these things properly?...

Logic Breakdown: You are destroying the world in order to save money.

I'm causing the system to create ever more cockamamie stories.

And one day, everyone just realizes that it's all cockamamie.

I want to make George Bush eat my shit, and eviscerate him, and eat my own remnants in his gut.

It's OK with me if Hugo Chavez wants to call him the Devil.

The Five-Dollar Scratch Guy came in today.

The news is on. Some bullshit.

The guy mutters to himself --and to me, in case I, presumptively, did not mind-- "There's gonna be a fuckin revolution in this country."

I thought to myself... "Do you think so?..."

I guess I'm on duty now.

I better get my act together... and put on my name tag... and clean this shithole out...

So...

John McCain should be la-la-la-I-can't-hear-you'd because...he might know what he's talking about?

It hurts me to do the Jew material.

I need you to know that.

There comes a point in every chess game where it is no longer necessary to conceal your strategy from your opponent.

What point?

...The end.

I win.

Noble humanitarians, that bunch is.

"WASHINGTON — The government Thursday warned consumers and businesses that it is illegal to use alternative money known as 'Liberty Dollar' coins, which organizers promote as a competitor to the almighty dollar."

Story

"'We don't want consumers to be fooled,' U.S. Mint spokeswoman Becky Bailey says, noting U.S. Attorneys offices across the USA have noticed a marked increase in inquiries about the coins."

No it's not illegal. It does not purport to be issued by the United States. The people can trade hatpins among themselves if they want. So fuck off.

Their argument is that mentally retarded people might mistake it for a US coin. ("Well, it's...round...and it has...writing on it that uses English-language words! It's obviously a devious knockoff of one of our pieces of shit!")

And assuming that someone gets "tricked" into accepting one of these coins, they got tricked into accepting a silver coin that has real value. Oh, the outrage!

Your gift certificates will soon be worthless. People know this.

The moneychangers can't stand it when the people use a currency whose value they cannot manipulate.

Have I told you that the state is dead? Here's proof.

Thanks, Justice Department! Thanks for the heads up! Maybe I'll cash out the paper and buy some of these Liberty Dollars. Will it speed up the demise of your War Machine?

Wherever shall I go to buy them? Liberty Dollars

Yeeeaaaahhhh.......

I'm getting sick of seeing respectable types think they're funny. Sarcasm is not satire. You're no comedian. Stick to what you're supposed to do.

I will say that that New York Times fashion insert had some cute guys in it.

The front section of your paper has no cute guys. Sorry.

Alright, you fuckers.

I love watching Stewart and Colbert. The problem is, I don't know who writes what. Is there some way that --on your website, maybe-- that you can give a writing credit for whatever bit? How much is written by individuals? Or is it a group writing effort?

It is fascinating to me to know what goes on there.

And it will encourage your writers to come up with the best material possible.

Yeah. The War on Drugs is a great idea.

It increases the cost of doing better drugs that are better for you. Instead, the consumer must choose an inferior product that fucks up your body. ...So that your society can pay for it later in health care...

Your precious War on Drugs is getting you nothing and costing you money. Is this something you can understand?

Ta Da!

These guys who think they're Jesus? They get locked up only because they're all theory and no action.

What?

The two males are the components of the destructive power. The two males are the necessary complement to the female.

The males' bond cannot have a 3-space component.

Now. Just so everyone's on the same page...

If we operate from the eminently provable assumption that the presumptive leader of the United States, one George W. Bush, hereinafter referred to, variously, as The Supreme Leader of Cucka Land, Lord Pistonbottom, The Supreme Shitstain on America, or, simply and dismissively, as That Retard... is in my audience...

And if other world "leaders" might take great joy in his embarassment...

Then we may reasonably conclude that I have a lot of world leaders in my audience.

Hi. Thanks for coming.

I think we will see a quick turnover of governments.

Now that the United States executive has been shown to be powerless, its client "states" will be overthrown.

This is a good thing.

The system of control is based on illusion.

You could walk up and say, "Hey. This is my large group of guys with guns. We're re-routing the power. Hope that's okay with you."

Nice society there.

Anthropologists are gonna have a fuckin field day with this ruin.

Keys are not relevant.

It is mind boggling to me that people are arguing in favor of inflicting pain upon the righteous.

Story

I am being held against my will inside this insane asylum. I will be destroyed in here.

I'm busting out.

...Don't anyone get in my way...

------------

On their targets:

It is demonstrably malevolent people who want to torture. Who do you think they would be tortuing? --Not those who are already "down" with it...

These people are so visibly evil that their targets automatically, metaphysically get identified as being the good guys. You know nothing about the targets other than what these demonstrable monsters tell you.

When I've been drinking heavily, my stool tends to be loose.

You see, this way, when Alberto Gonzalez tongues my asshole, I can let loose with what I trust will be merely a fart, but, really, what happens is that a great torrent of brown water and its swept-up detritus cascades over his face.

What a joy it is to behold my handiwork: Warm rivulets of beef and cheese burrito, accented with the occasional bit of recalcitrant microwave popcorn. They wend their tentative way 'round his orbit... along his nose... and into his inviting mouth...

It brings paroxysms of ecstacy from the object of my ridicule: Filthy Shit Eater Alberto Gonzalez. He even asks if I might let him hold my dick when I get up to take a piss.

Hey, Liberal types!

Have you had enough of government yet? I dare say that you seem...cured!

Welcome to CKPI Industries. We're smashing the state. ...And saving the world...

Why are you still talking?

"WASHINGTON -- Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said Tuesday that Congress should require Internet providers to preserve customer records, asserting that prosecutors need them to fight child pornography."

Story

You can market this any way you want, Allie. Your criminal gang is done. You don't need any more authority to eavesdrop on your righteous enemies.

Thank you. _I_ called _this_:

"In a controversial move within the administration, [Undersecretary of State Karen] Hughes and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice seem to have persuaded Bush — temporarily, at least — to drop the label “Islamic fascism” from his speeches;"

Story

It's a Crap-a-Thaurus entry. It's an advertising term.

Is this what it has come to?

"WASHINGTON (AP) -- Montana Sen. Conrad Burns, a Republican in a tight re-election race, flew on a private plane chartered by Vonage Holdings Corp. just days after he pushed legislation that the company has advocated for more than a year."

Story

It's so brazen and disrespectful. It's not even the taking of a bribe under the table.

Of course these fags are gonna take this for all it's worth.

Story

They're completely ignoring the comedic content. They're so happy to have something to wave around.

I hate fags.

Maybe this was Colbert's whole nefarious plan.

Did this have something to do with the bridge?

Story

Hey, Justice Department types!

Here's your legal mechanism:

You may legally ignore everything Alberto Gonzalez says because he is under indictment for war crimes. He no longer...works there. You will be held harmless for ignoring him. Follow your SOP for 'missing Attorney General who is a war criminal.'

And ignore his type.

Executive Order No. 2

The fighting in Iraq must end, because you need your ammo to defend this country.

Executive Order No. 1

The restoration of decency and justice is how the military shall redeem themselves.

See, I spoke too soon...

My new title is:

THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER OF CKPI INDUSTRIES

New Show (Cuz I'm bored.]

[Movie mogul of old, seated in a leather chair in a darkened smoke-filled room. Screen test projected on wall. The frames flicker in that old way. Chris is doing his routine]

Chris: "So yeah...about those niggers and kikes and all the rest! They should just eat each other's brains! And skip around in 9-11 Land! And then we'll kill everyone in the government! And erase Israel, while we're at it! ...Ta Da!"

[Mogul, shaking his head in his palm] "Jesus H. Christ..."

[mogul has a lackey.] Lackey: "Jesus H. Christ is right! As a matter of fact, that's the name of our new show. [turns to camera] "The Christ...Is Right!"

The Christ Is Right starts now.

Just so you know...

I had been meaning to say: In an earlier joke I made a sock-in-the-dryer reference.

I don't know what comedian, if any in particular, had become associated with the "sock in the dryer" routine. Or even if this is just an urban legend that I had somehow picked up somewhere. I don't watch much TV, so there is a "lot" that I "don't" know.

When I first decided that I would become a pop icon, I watched that documentary about Jerry Seinfeld.

It followed him over a year or two as he developed an entirely new act after his Seinfeld show.

I also bought this DVD collection called "America's Funniest HaHa Time." I hated everyone on it immediately.

The comedian who got me through those excruciatingly painful first six months was Jerry Seinfeld.

He really seemed to get it.

It's like...I'm ejaculating Windex into your third eye.

I saw some stuff on Stewart and Colbert tonight. I don't know which one. It had something to do with eyes and windex or something.

This is an interesting demonstration of how one influences another. It is a very high compliment.

Plus, it's a two-for-one.

I'm still trying to figure out what the Pope was saying.

His writing is nearly impenetrable. It is not going to be understood by some moron on television.

You're probably not getting him.

There is no quarrel between Christ and Mohammed.

Someone's sowing trouble among their progeny...

A Friendly Reminder

It's all falling apart so quickly, isn't it, George?

Launching wars by way of lies... torture... and all manner of transgressions...

Who else in your administration is guilty of such things?...

----------

For some reason, during the transcoding process the audio and video became unsynced.

I'll try to fix it. Sorry.