Okay, cheese eaters!

We're moving! My debit card works now. I have paid my balance at typepad. My preferred venue is ckpi.typepad.com. Henceforth, any posts will show up there.

If I remain silent for a time, check back here at ckpi.blogspot.com. Or maybe I've finally got bored of playing to freeloaders and just decided to get on with my life.

...Though I do appreciate that you've all stuck with me this long. But don't tell anyone; it ruins my dyspeptic shtick...

Here's one for my friends at Fox.

(By the way: For as many people as who hate me, they sure read my stuff a lot. ...And I think that my life's body of work will reflect that my most offensive material came after I consciously started trying to get booed off the stage.)

Chris waltzes into the Fox newsroom and noses around, opening desk drawers and rifling through people's belongings. He passes over the Met-Rx bars and the Axe Body Spray and steals a few pens. He jumps up on a desk.

"Excuse me! Everyone, could I have your attention?!"

"I have the uncanny ability to divine the future! And I feel myself entering into a trance state as I speak! ...Let's hope I can maintain the presence of mind to steal that geri-stapler I saw in that handicapped woman's cubicle..."

"I see your troglodyte nation...disappearing! Yes! Yes! A miracle happened there after all! They got erased! ...No more flying planes into buildings, I'd say!"

"I see...I see a cocktail party! With decent white people! ...They're drinking brandy and laughing and showing off the Jews they purchased as pets! ...It's fashionable, apparently, in the future to keep Jews as pets and dress them up in firemen's uniforms and sailor clothes or whatever and take those cute pictures of them. (...People can just buy the software and print out their own calendars.)"

"I see them wailing in their stalls about how everyone's contra-them! And they don't know why!"

"And they lament not having listened to Christ when he tried to teach his moronic people how they could harness time-domain energy and escape this 3-Space prison! You're so stupid that you didn't even GET him! ...No one ever accused a Jew of being bright, I guess..."

"Instead of embracing God's Luminescent Energy, they fill their empty souls with money! And it never fills up!"

"And what galls you the most isn't that I'm performing this material...but that I'm getting away with it!"

"How! Is! Your! Homeland doing?!"

"Grunt! Grunt, my Little Dream Children! Embrace the High Priests' chain around your necks! Poison the earth! Spread lies and filth! Gin up more wars! Fly more planes into buildings! Give us an encore performance! ...Suborn your Beauty to your masters' Ugliness! ...The meek shall inherit the earth! And shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace! War is not the way to God or to His abundance! Choose your House! Ha Ha Ha ha ha hahahahahahahahahahaha.............."

I must have zero audience members--

--because zero people have bought tickets to my show. All that was in my mailbox was a JC Penney circular and another red-colored letter from the power company.

It's funny that I actually have zero audience members because I seem to detect shades of Chris King Pop Icon everywhere. So maybe I'm just crazy after all.

I'll give it till the first of the year.

(You realize that what I'm really doing is asking for my audience's permission to end this useless waste of my time.)

Well I'm off to the post office.

...To collect the contributions so that I can buy more cheese-flavored snacks for my audience.

If you have not done so, remove a twenty-dollar bill from your wallet.

Mail it to:

Chris King
PO Box 138
Westminster Station, VT 05159

That is the price of admission to my show. Twenty dollars per year. Pretty cheap entertainment, wouldn't you say?

This is why you're beautiful to me.

When you "play from your heart," you inspire faith.

It's the material that your handlers write for you that I can't stand.

Video

I'll have you all know that I'm working on my Second Annual Chris King Pop Icon Says Nice Things About People segment. It'll be on my TV show on the Bust-a-Gut Network. Check your local listings.

I will purchase some scratch-off lottery tickets from the gas station. I'll scratch them off on-camera while saying nice things. It's like we all get to open our presents together. The denomination of the ticket will be in direct proportion to the quantity and/or vehemence of the things I have said about them over the past year.

Here is the working list of the people I will buy lottery tickets for, and the denomination of the ticket:

Dennis Miller: $1 (He can handle himself. He's probably changed his ways anyway.)
Joseph Lieberman: $1 (For that Heeberman crack.)
Stephen Colbert: $1 (I once intemperately told him he could eat it.)
Jon Stewart: $2 (He's had to stand by while I do all my Jew material.)
Michael Chertoff: $5 (He is in possession of his own soul.)
Michael Mukasey: $10 (He's taken more of a drubbing sooner than anyone really should have to.)
Alberto Gonzales: $10 (I think you got caught up in some things that your nature did not prepare you to deal with.)
George Bush: $20 (This is the physically largest ticket and has all the shiny scratch-off stuff and the multiple games per card. You can win up to a million dollars on these, I think.)

I will inscribe a personal note on each card in private and mail it to the person in question. I will also include any winnings. That will be my gift to you.

So keep an eye open.

I'm trying to deal with this in a sensitive way.

And I've grown tired of being angry at you. It's bad for the soul. So I can discuss this in a nuts-and-bolts way now.

Do you people fully understand what Zionism has done to you?

Israel has set Jews back 1500 years. It's out of the country club again with you people.

Do you fully comprehend what you've done to yourselves?

Unless you take steps RIGHT NOW to redeem yourselves, no decent person will so much as be seen in public with a Jew. ...But no one ever takes my advice.

Do you get this?

And I'm sorry to have to discuss these matters during Hanukkah. But I didn't know that your homeland was going to declare war on the United States. Things are happening fast. These things need to be dealt with on their own timetable.

I will now turn the menu over for you.

Your enemy is not "Islamofascism"...

...it's Judeofascism.

It's often useful to know who's declared war on you.

Beware this meme.

Republican presidential candidate John McCain warned Monday that Al-Qaeda could trigger a major US economic crisis with just one successful attack on a Middle Eastern oil installation.

The Arizona senator argued that terror groups understood America's reliance on foreign oil -- and did not believe it had the will to find alternative energy sources.

"Al-Qaeda plans for attacks on oil facilities in the Middle East to destroy the American economy," McCain said, in prepared remarks released by his campaign ahead of a speech in South Carolina.

Link

I'm starting to see this one crop up. It is the "Al Qaeda could trigger an economic crisis, ergo, if one happens, it was Al Qaeda's fault" meme.

This didn't just come out of nowhere. John McCain gets his talking points from someone.

From a show business perspective, you do your material before it's needed, remember?

The economy is imploding. You may rest assured that those who caused the implosion will pin it on That Nemesis of Mythical Strength and Power, Al Qaeda. (You know, the people who demonstrably had nothing to do with anything.)

John McCain works for the people who caused the destruction of the United States. He's pushing their bilge.

Once the economy implodes, the "government" will step in and offer to help everyone out. ...But only if you'll put this pretty necklace on... To protect you all from Al Qaeda --the ones who caused this whole thing, you know. So turn in your guns and gold in the name of fighting the terriss.

And once you accept the "government's" help, your total enslavement will be complete.

(You can hone your BS detector by learning to spot memes. When a notion just seems to appear out of nowhere, from multiple locations, it has been deliberately caused to come into being by someone.)

I would like to know precisely what is happening with this case.

This is the case of the AIPAC agents, Rosen and Weissman, accused of spying for Israel.

In order to restore lawful government, it is vital that this wound be exposed for all the world to see. Let the trial begin.

Now there has been a major development on this front. No one took seriously the defense's motion, made a few months ago, that they be allowed to subpoena Condoleezza Rice, Paul Wolfowitz, National Security Council chief Stephen Hadley, and a whole platoon of government officials and former officials. The motion was made on the grounds that these officials, too, had transmitted classified information to AIPAC, and that this is proof that such behavior was and is routine, part of the normal way of doing business in the world of Washington lobbyists. The defendants' case has always been that they have a First Amendment right to commit espionage, and that their indictment amounted to a government assault on their right to "free speech." Gee, too bad the Rosenbergs never thought of this unique rationalization for treason, although I doubt it would've gotten them anywhere. The AIPAC defendants, however, may have more luck in this department…

No judge had ever allowed such a thing, at least in recent memory, and no one expected Judge Ellis to look favorably on this request. That he granted the defense motion in all but a few cases is bad news for the government – and good news for the Israel lobby, which may just be spared the embarrassment of having its essential nature as a fifth column for Israel exposed to the light of day.

Link

You may not like to hear it, but I will tell you that Israel is in complete control of your federal government. This nut has to be cracked. I hear a whisper on the wind that the defense has proceeded along lines such that they intend to "raise the stakes" by promising to bring out information that would bring down the United States Government if this case is permitted to proceed. USG LLC is crashing anyway. So let the trial proceed and let us all see Israel's role in the destruction of the United States.

Israel's forces operate in the dark. Want to reclaim lawful government? Just turn on the light. It's that simple.

You will find that those CIA tapes were destroyed because--

--they recorded another form of "enhanced interrogation." That method is making dozens or hundreds of fine cuts on the penis with a razor blade.

And while Fox may be able to get Dennis Miller to employ his unfunny face to laugh off waterboarding as just some "water down the schnoz," I don't think anyone can laugh that one off.

The public knowledge of micro-cuts to the penis is what officially destroys the United States government. (As if it had not destroyed itself already.)

(And I'm just waiting for the anal rape videos to come out. Hoo boy...)

When I was a cable man working in Orlando,

I possessed what is called a Time Delay Reflectometer. A TDR is an electronic device that lets you troubleshoot a length of cable. You hook it up to one end of a cable and it sends a signal down it. Since it knows the speed of light, and since you tell it what the composition of the cable is, it will tell you how long a span of cable is, whether it is passing all the energy properly, etc. It does this by counting how long it takes for a reflection to come back to it. (Energy gets reflected back down the cable when it hits an "interface" like a break in the cable or the natural end of the cable.) The TDR has a display that shows you all this information.

TDRs are a bit expensive. We did not have one at the shop where I worked, which was too bad because they can save you lots of time in troubleshooting a failed length of cable.

I remember at this one hotel, which was spread out among two dozen buildings, we had buried cable amounting to several miles' worth. Gardeners were forever digging up our cables or nicking them. When you nick a cable or perhaps introduce moisture into it, the cable will selectively not work: Some channels may be fine while others are not. Or perhaps the "channels" that carry the internet data may flake out. Wholesale cable failures are easy to spot; cable flakiness is more difficult to pinpoint.

So we had this one problem that was causing massive amounts of lost revenue because none of our technicians could pinpoint the fault in the cable. We had six guys working on the problem for a week.

My boss knew that I personally owned a TDR. I bought it as an investment in my trade. It would enable me to pinpoint the location of the fault in less than thirty seconds. We could have guys with shovels dig up that failed span of cable and re-splice it and have it fixed in an hour. My boss also knew that I would be happy to put my TDR to use to fix such a problem.

"Chris, I'd like you to come out and meet up with us to fix that outside plant problem at site fourteen nine seven seven. I need you there at eight."

As a cable man, I was never even out of bed at eight. "I'll see you there at eleven. How's that sound?"

"Yeah. ...Alright, then. ...Sounds good."

I thought it might.

Get it?

Bill Hicks interview

I wish I could have known Bill Hicks. He just gets it.

"Olmert's word wouldn't seem to be worth much,"

"considering that Israel flew planes into the World Trade Center, tried to sink the USS Liberty, and executed the Beirut Marine Barracks bombing. ...So I think we can safely assume that one more lie won't mean much to them." [The microphone gives feedback as Chris turns from it and lopes offstage like a retarded child, arms outstretched and a big ol' grin on his face.] "Mommy, Mommy! Did I frame the debate properly?!"

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - Israel believes Iran will have the resources to create a nuclear weapon by 2010 despite a U.S. intelligence report that it was not building an atomic bomb, Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert said on Sunday.
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Olmert told his cabinet that Iran was continuing to enrich uranium and develop ballistic missiles and that Israel would press the U.N's International Atomic Energy Agency to "expose Iran's nuclear weapons activity."

Link

Boring Machines Disturbs Sleep

Air - Kelly Watch the Stars

Air - Sexy Boy

All videos should have dancing and kung fu moves. This is a masterpiece.

Modern journalism is at a crossroads.

Here is a passage from a Times article about torture allegations by Gitmo detainees:

Pentagon officials have said they believe that Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, the mastermind of the Sept. 11 attacks, selected Mr. Khan, who grew up in the suburbs of Baltimore, to study the feasibility of blowing up gasoline stations and poisoning reservoirs in the United States. But he has not been charged with any offenses.

Link

The mastermind of the Sept. 11 attacks...

The Times is doing its readers a disservice. They are disseminating demonstrably false information. Khalid Shaikh Mohammed could not have been the mastermind of the Sept. 11 attacks.

Why?

Two reasons:

1. Fire did not collapse the World Trade Center towers. The proffered model of the collapse is the "pancake theory," wherein the supporting clips gave way that connect the floors to the inner support columns and the outer perimeter members. Here's a graphic: This is the model employed by NIST. (While my detractors study the matter by watching television, I prefer to read. Not to mention that I believe nothing that anyone tells me. I'm funny that way.) The model says that the angle clips failed upon becoming heated by the fire, they let go, and one floor collapsed upon another and another, all the way down. Just one problem: What happened to the inner core? The inner core exists for a reason: It is what supports the building. The pancake theory is the equivalent of stripping the leaves from a fern with your fingers. The stem remains. How did the core magically fall right down?
   
   
2. We've got people who would be in the know who plainly state that 9-11 was executed by the CIA and Mossad, and that foreign intelligence services knew this from the start.
   

So, obviously, KSM could not have masterminded the 9-11 attacks. (Unless he and his merry band of malcontents somehow secreted demolitions charges into the buildings over the course of weeks. But then... If they knew they would need demolitions charges to collapse the buildings, and if they had expertly managed to evade building security for those weeks, then why go to the trouble of flying non-relevant planes into the buildings? Hmm? As a show?)

So what possible reason on earth would someone have for writing the demonstrably false phrase, the mastermind of the Sept. 11 attacks?

The only possible answer is this: "Because that's what the government man told me."

As time goes on, the phrase the mastermind of the Sept. 11 attacks just becomes more outlandish.

It's like reading the following:

"Orange juice --the primary export of the Moon People-- has been proven to be an important part of your diet. Researchers today said that..."

Orange juice doesn't come from the moon. Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was not the mastermind of the Sept. 11 attacks.

The statements are equally asinine.

If the New York Times is telling me that orange juice comes from the Moon People, what else in that paper is suspect?