Please fuck off.

"Senator John Kerry (D-MA) has lashed out at what he calls a "house of lies" in Washington, RAW STORY has learned."

Story

Kerry continues:

"So our job as Democrats is to fight until we stop allowing the richest country on the face of the planet to be the only one that doesn’t have health care for every man, woman, and child. The Democratic Party must stand for health care for all Americans—or we don’t stand for anything at all."

[whispered in a strained, loud whisper:] He works for _them_.

Want good, cheap healthcare? Destroy the government. It does nothing except break things and kill people.

Another song I want to add.

Oddly, this is not available either:

"Up Above the Sea" by John Vanderslice.

I want to add a song to the show.

But it's not available through Yahoo Music.

It is:

"The Chemistry Between Us" by Suede.

I want to add a song to the show.

But it's not available through Yahoo Music.

It is:

"The Chemistry Between Us" by Suede.

[glance right]

When I lived in New York, I met a few comedians. I wanted to become friendly with them. I wanted to know what it was like to be a comedian.

None of them wanted to have anything to do with me.

We have won.

All that remains is the cleanup.

Informationally, the outcome cannot be changed from the present state in the time allowed.

Do remain diligent, and amplify your efforts. Skills and, thus, efficiency with them, result from amplification.

"Army throws weight behind chief who spoke for his men"

"Damage limitation in Downing Street, a midnight phone call and a rush to the airwaves, but general does not back down on the essence of his remarks about the aftermath of the Iraq invasion"

Story

The article continues:

"'My intention is particularly to speak up for what is right for the Army,' he has said. 'That is my job. That is my constituency.' This is language traditionally associated with politics rather than the military — generals claiming to represent a constituency in opposition to government were common in Ancient Rome, but extremely rare in British military history."

The man appears to be a master of understatement, if I'm capturing his meaning properly... I think he's saying:

"Hi. My...constituency...has the guns. ...You will want to look like you came up with these ideas...

Serial Title

I have decided that the title of my serial is:

"Chris' Madcap Adventures on Planet Credulon"

Well the Troglodytes are itching for another spanking.

"BEIRUT, Oct 13 (KUNA) -- Israeli fighter jets executed mock air raids on Friday over a number of Lebanese areas, once again violating Lebanese airspace and UN Security Council Resolution 1701."

Story

Watch them wail and cower and burst into tears as they erase themselves.

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Now I know.

In my fun movie, the planet where Chris quite accidently finds himself is called Credulon.

Torture! Yippee! Great campaign platform!

"Now I've seen what happened in Abu Ghraib, and Abu Ghraib was not torture," Shays said according to a transcript provided by Democratic challenger Diane Farrell's campaign and confirmed by others who attended the debate. "It was outrageous, outrageous involvement of National Guard troops from (Maryland) who were involved in a sex ring and they took pictures of soldiers who were naked. And they did other things that were just outrageous. But it wasn't torture."

Story

No. It wasn't a sex ring. You will find photocopied copies of legal mechanisms that used language that permitted such a ghastly event.

And the crafters of it will be killed for it.

I want...Lon Horiuchi...

"O'Reilly equated the 9/11 Scholars with terrorists and threw his weight behind a move to have them being investigated by the FBI"

I already have been investigated. And they pissed themselves.

Story

Fox News is crumbling from within. It is no longer relevant.

Watch Cavuto's and O'Reilly's interaction.

Story

Your world is ending and you're talking getting rid of Christmas.

I have decided that I will ridicule Comedy Central into non-existence.

I should point out that my target is not the talent, but the distinctly unfunny suits who run the operation.

When I indicate to you that I require a television show so that I might better prevent the destruction of your planet, I expect you to deliver it to me.

How to get the crybaby Jews on board? Tell them there's a roll of nice, new shiny pennies in it for each of them. I am _that_ generous...

...I shall now enfold your network into my empire...

And then I will fire you.

The doors are locked.

I just realized that mine is a show where, once in, you...can...never...leave!

Because you don't know if you will be savaged in your absence.

It is the ultimate horror show. Carnage flies everywhere. And no one can leave.

Where do I sign?

"OTTAWA (Reuters) - Canadian troops fighting Taliban militants in Afghanistan have stumbled across an unexpected and potent enemy -- almost impenetrable forests of 10-feet (three metre) high marijuana plants."

Story

An...impenetrable forest...of weed...

Changing his tune...

"Bush trumpeted solutions to future U.S. energy needs that included 'solar roofs that will enable the American family to be able to generate their own electricity' and hybrid cars that will run the first 40 miles on electricity and won't 'look like a golf cart.'"

"We'll even have flying cars! Please don't kill me. We can can have neutro-generators to reduce our dependence on foreign oil! Please don't kill me."

Story

They have secretly posed as us in order to expose us all as faggots.

"In a piece entitled, 'Republican Gays are Closeted Dems,' Cliff Kincaid seems to allege that gay Republicans themselves are nothing more than a "Democratic 'dirty trick,'" hoping to use the party to 'advance the same homosexual agenda embraced by the Democrats.'"

Story

"That's exactly it! All those cockstrokers were just posing as Republicans! They were biding their nefarious time! ...Where's my space ship?...

It appears that Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert have outgrown their employer.

Well the love of my life lasted a week.

I just don't get this dating stuff.

I saw some TV shows recently.

I'll need to know what's going on there if I intend to dominate the medium.

I like what those tv networks are doing. They show a full episode of a new show on their website. I saw a good one for a show called "Dexter." That man is very creepy. I had to shut it off.

And I saw that "Girlie Show." They seem to be moving away from sitcoms and toward these thoughtful comedies. It's a treat.

My favorite on the show is Tracy Morgan. The man appears to be truly insane. His performance in the episode is hilarious. This is interesting, because I remember now that one of the funniest things I ever saw was this video for Saturday Night Live, he played this old black man in a cartoon world with bluebirds flying around. And he's talking about how his favorite drink will help you "get bent quick."

"Rice: Does anyone really believe I'd ignore terror warning?"

"On the radio, [Condoleeza] Rice asked rhetorically, 'Does anybody really believe that somebody would have walked into my office and said, oh, by the way, there's a chance of a major attack against the United States and I would have said, well, I'm really not interested in that information?'"

"'I mean, it's just ridiculous,' said Rice."

Story


Actually, it's not ridiculous. You are a lying hood rat. I would be surprised if you were even _capable_ of telling the truth.

"I, in my capacity as The Supreme Shitstain on America, do hereby pronounce the methodology flawed."

"In a Rose Garden press conference, President Bush blasted a new study that estimates 655,000 Iraqis have died because of the war since March of 2003 as 'just not credible.'"

Story

"Please don't kill me."

You know, in most jurisdictions, purposefully causing the deaths of several hundred thousand people might prompt a prosecution...

Fifth-Generation Warfare

When I told you that I had invented fifth-generation warfare, I wasn't kidding.

And since I know the rules better than you do --you know, having invented it myself and all-- then I don't see how you can win. ...See?

I am having trouble posting.

I've tried a web proxy and it works better...

In the future, if my ckpi.blogspot site is unavailable, check both chriskingpopicon.com and ckpi.com. I will forward a domain to some other blog site.

Serial: 3: "The Secret...Legal Mechanism That Changes It All!"

[Our present episode finds us recalling that Filthy Shit Eater Alberto Gonzalez, Esquire has revealed his true identity to Chris. Chris screams, "Run!" Chris, shocked, lunges out of the plastic chair and to his feet! In his zeal to do so, he breaks one of the chair's arms. So much for having the plastic-chair moral high ground.]

Chris turns and runs. He runs... about ten feet before one of the straps on his flip flops breaks. In a truly dramatic fashion, Chris falls and screams.

But before Chris can get to his feet, Filthy Shit Eater Alberto Gonzalez, Esquire has alighted upon him!

Chris: "Unngghh... Get off me..."

Alberto: "I have finally caught up with you! [gurrrrggg]"

Alberto claws his way up Chris' legs and, in the process, pulls Chris' flannel lounge pants down. Chris has extremely hairy buttocks.

Chris: "Oh. my. god. I cannot believe you just did that..."

Alberto has now hauled himself up Chris' prostrate form so that his mouth is next to Chris' ear.

Alberto: "'Tis I! Your famed Filthy Shit Eater Alberto Gonzalez! I have you in my clutches!"

Chris: "Your breath is the grossest thing I have ever smelled. And by the way, I added some on to your name."

Alberto furtively glances around, to see that none other might savor the vileness of his being. Shit bubbles drip from his mouth.

Alberto: "That is of no consequence to me... ...You thought you were so smart, didn't you? Well, there's one thing you didn't count on...mister funnyman... !It's a legal mechanism the likes of which you cannot conceive! [he almost chokes on his own shit, but he pulls it together.] It is a complete secret... Ta Da! But I have it!"

Chris: "I am not standing for any more of this. You are extremely revolting."

Chris wrangles free, pulls up his lounge pants, grabs the now-defunct sandal, and slaps Filthy Shit Eater Alberto Gonzalez, Esquire across the face.

Chris: "I am the comedian. I will win. So take your shit-dripping mouth and your gurgly laugh elsewhere."

Chris turns and runs... and runs... and runs.

But Filthy Shit Eater Alberto Gonzalez, Esquire is not so easily deterred...

Up Next: "By What Dark Mechanisms Do Men Plot Their Own Demise?..."

-----------

The exclamation point at the begining of the "...legal mechanism the likes of which" sentence is new. It means that the entire sentence should be yelled.

"In N.Y., Sparks Fly Over Israel Criticism. Polish Consulate Says Jewish Groups Called To Oppose Historian"

This is strange behavior from the Washington Post, but maybe they're turning over a new leaf.

"NEW YORK -- Two major American Jewish organizations helped block a prominent New York University historian from speaking at the Polish consulate here last week, saying the academic was too critical of Israel and American Jewry."

Story

This is completely typical Jew behavior. (Not really, but the ADL speaks for all Jews, right? So I'm okay with calling this "Jew behavior.")

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Yahoo! Music: Hatoa by Bonobo

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When will this glorious chaos ever end?

"...and more recently Rep. Tom Reynolds, R-N.Y. — will testify that a few years ago he was told by then-House clerk Jeff Trandahl that Foley had been stopped while trying to enter the pages' dorm in an apparently intoxicated state."

Story

I guess that Palmer guy is history, then.

True dat.

Piece

You are not going to want to be grilled by Alex Jones. Just so you know.

"After accepting an invitation to briefly appear with Ashcroft on Chicago's Mancow program, radio host Alex Jones grilled the former Governor of Missouri on why he was warned to avoid using commercial airliners in the weeks before 9/11."

Story

Yeah, uh, if explosions last into the night, that, uh, means lots of your ammo is exploding.

Story

Um, you propose to avoid getting killed with what now?

"Bush's 'Axis of Evil' Comes Back to Haunt United States"

The administration has proven powerless on North Korea, Afghanistan, and Iraq. They can't even handle some kook comedian who --with great fanfare-- publicly ejaculates into Lord Pistonbottom's ecstatic face.

I cannot imagine them having any purposeful effect on Iran or Syria either.

Get me a beer, bitch. And for fucksake, clean yourself up.

---------

When I first started doing stand-up in 2003, I did some George Bush material. One audience member who stood out like a sore thumb at this one shithole bar one time was some middle-aged guy whose haircut obviously worked for the FBI. He asked, as if he were just kickin it with the kids, "Do you tell any George Bush jokes?" I replied, "Sure! Try this one: What's the difference between George Bush and Hitler? [wait for it] Hitler never got fucked in the ass at a Skull and Bones initiation! Har dee har har! Get it?"

He went away convinced that I was harmless. Big mistake.

See? If Sherwood had been smoking more weed, he wouldn't have tried to kill his bitch.

"Tom Reynolds (R-NY) chose to keep Don Sherwood (R-PA) in key GOP leadership job after Sherwood allegedly beat and tried to strangle his mistress"

Story

Sherwood while stoned: "Honey, listen: The one Force is related to its Complement by a degree predicted by the Golden Ratio. I see them giving form to all that exists in the Universe. To bring love to the world, we just have promote the proper ratio."

Sherwood while hammered: "Shut the fuck up, bitch! Open your goddamn mouth one more time and I'll cave your face in!"

Drink more!

These kids are smarter than you give them credit for.

"Echoing Drudge and [Michael Hinkleheimer] Savage, Dobson and Henninger claimed Foley scandal is 'sort of a joke' and a 'prank' by pages"

Story

Even at the tender age of sixteen, these pages are venal enough to be attracted to power, else they would not be attracted to the job. They're not going to be playing jokes that might compromise their ability to blossom into adult parasites.

So the issue really does remain that Republicans are lovingly stroking their cocks at the thought of venal little asses bouncing in the air. And everyone gets to unload it into the corrupt pillowcase of their choice. ...But the pages are not claiming to be the paragons of virtue here. The Republicans are...

"Do you have any evidence that they _weren't_ involved?"

Yeah, that's not an argument.

"McHenry Speechless When Asked To Provide Evidence That Foley Scandal Was Election Ploy"

Story

Obviously a Democrat is going to find this scandal useful. But no Democrat had anything to do with guiding Republican dicks into Republican asses. They did that themselves.

Yes. It is that easy.

That's the frightening part.

When James Baker comes to town it means one thing:

You are relieved of command.

Should I not use Google anymore?

I am getting sick of their censorship.

Your job is to deliver information. If you can't do that, then you are not relevant.

The North Korea thing isn't really relevant.

China will take care of them. This is not an issue.

I have an interesting story to tell you that involves the mindform of Andy Warhol.

I have made a new friend in town. We get together a couple times each week and enjoy each other's company. He's around fifty. He has lead a curiously interesting life, just for being your typical person.

In 1983 he called all the galleries in New York and gave them some story that he was in the biz and he needed to get ahold of Andy Warhol. So someone gave him his number. All these long distance calls to galleries were expensive, my friend says, costing around $100. (Calling long distance back then was expensive, for all you young kids. Long distance: All the way from Cootersville to New York.)

Well my friend manages to get Andy Warhol on the phone. My friend says, "Hi. This is Jim from Vermont. I just wanted to call and say hello." Andy talks to him for a while and then asks how did he get his number. My friend explained that he spent a hundred dollars and some considerable time and effort to get it. Andy, thinking this an impressive and reward-worthy feat, answers that my friend seems to warrant talking to. Andy invites him to call periodically. And my friend did.

I believe this friend of mine, because his life is too weird to have to lie about.

Money

Money is like a plant. It will grow with time, quite naturally. But only if it helps bridge a gap between one "present" informational state and one desired "future" informational state. Good things just blossom naturally.

In an economy, it is not useful to have economic crimes, that is, economic laws, because it forces the growth of something that is bad. Because as you see, a good thing will flourish naturally. Because there is an informational need for it.

So economic laws encourage the growth of weeds: economic, political, and social. These weeds can end up producing very bad things and, ultimately, the destruction of your planet. It's the outcome of the game.

OK.

The thinking that yields the concept of "time value" of money may be employed to understand the time value of information to The Field.

About "Weed"

I put that Pink Floyd airplane noise in there for timing purposes. It was to tell me, "You had better damn well be done with the setup, because the punch line is about to happen."

It worked out well because it kind of sounds like a speeding car.

Yahoo! Music: L'Inverno - Antonio Vivaldi by William Orbit

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You know your bosses have hung you out to dry when you appear on the cover of Newsweek.

What do you...think happens next?

At some point the Bushes will attempt to flee the country.

Stop them.

I find Bush Senior's association with the Hinckley family to be a bit...too few degrees of separation...

I went and saw Jon Stewart perform in Boston.

I was not molested in the enjoyment of my business. ...Which is something new for the Republicans...

I loved his show. He's been doing stand-up for some time. It's interesting to watch other people work. He is very skilled.

I think some people in the audience didn't quite get it. I think they thought it was going to be a Daily Show installment.

----------

I don't regard Jon Stewart as Jewish. He comes across as Jon Stewart. And that's why I like him.

And I apologize for the material that I have to do.

We may be goin to Broad.way!

Serial: 2: "Who is our secret visitor?"

[To read any previous installments of this serial, just search in the box at the upper left of the window for "serial:" ]

In our last episode, our secret visitor has met Chris in his backyard. Chris is cooking dinner.

It turns out that really what happens is that our secret visitor is Filthy Shit Eater Alberto Gonzalez, Esquire.

Alberto:[in a grotesque, gargly shit voice] "I want to share my latest creation with you! Arrggghhhh! GRGLE!"

Chris: "Holy fuck! Fuck this shit! The man is grotesque! He's a walking bag of shit that's ready to infect all that is decent! Run!..."

----------

Up next: "The Secret...Legal Mechanism that Changes It All!"

Yahoo! Music: Bedshaped by Keane

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You mean...the "Tallyban"?

"KABUL, Afghanistan (AP) - NATO's top commander in Afghanistan warned on Sunday that a majority of Afghans would likely switch their allegiance to resurgent Taliban militants if their lives show no visible improvements in the next six months."

Story

So...we've accomplished exactly...nothing...in the past five years except kill lots of people and shove bananas up their asses and ruin America.

Huh.

Give those torturers and sodomites the roundhouse they deserve.

"'Republicans are on the run and we can put them down for the count by hitting them with everything we've got immediately,' Democratic strategist James Carville said in a fund-raising pitch for the Democratic Senate campaign committee."

Wait. I've figured out the solution...finally.

We can solve a number of problems at once: After 9-11 actor Israel is erased, we'll take the empty REX-84 internment camps and fill them with the Jews who infest Washington. We'll put them to work in the camp woodshop, making dreidels for sale in the gift shop at "9-11 Land: The Theme Park." The dreidels spell out, "A miracle happened here! We got erased!"

We'll appropriate the property of Jews to compensate Muslims, and we'll turn their distinctly unfunny comedy clubs into gay bars. We'll take Larry Silverstein's ill gotten insurance money from his WTC "investment" and buy everyone ecstacy and roofies.

We'll put the camp comedians to work on stage at 9-11 Land. They'll tell their best jokes:

"Say, Sol... That Condoleezza Rice... She sure...is a...pistol! Some call her the...dragon lady!"

"That's right, Hymie. And she has...a unique...name, too! ...I bet no one...will accidently call her...Condoleezza _Nice_!" Ha Ha Ha. [audience laughs uproariously at the best of Jew humor.]

See? A number of problems solved. Finally.

-----------

This did not read properly with that there.