Yahoo! Music: Creeps Me Out by Ima Robot

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See?

This isn't even the guy.

Story

"How dare he eat prawn...s... and while away his cares with a glass of wine?!"

This guy's just some weirdo they picked up for their psy-op. They needed to blow a couple weeks.

The reason why he apparently knew inside information is because...his bosses know inside information! Ta Da!

Yahoo! Music: Silver Rider by Low

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This is official ouch material.

Story

"Present yourself for your spanking!"

Yes and no.

"There have been growing signs the Pope is considering aligning his church more closely with the theory of "intelligent design" taught in some US states. Advocates of the theory argue that some features of the universe and nature are so complex that they must have been designed by a higher intelligence. Critics say it is a disguise for creationism."

You know...

The Field organizes itself according to dispassionate economic principles. There's no need to externalize some objective "creator." The Field _itself_ is the creative genius, doing only what the free movement of energy would demand.

You know there's mind control signals in the television...

Everyone who watches television appears --to me-- to be all of the same class of enchanted being. (And not the good kind.)

Here's one line of questioning that I might pursue:

If the technology existed (which it does) to lay a second video or audio track, at a constant but sufficiently lower level than the main "programming," to be used for the purpose of "behavior modification" ...and if someone wanted to sell the audience something, ...might that technology be employed for television programming?

It would be an interesting experiment to take the video and audio from some finished but pre-broadcast stage, and compare it, digitally, against the broadcast version. ...See if there's any boxes in the path that you don't know what they do...

I'll answer your question.

I love how Fox News show hosts "frame" questions to their guests. Especially regarding the recent Chuck Hagel/Fox News interview thing.

Their questions are non-questions. They're advertising copy.

Reply to each of their questions this way, for example:

"Your question has no meaning. I could humor you...but at the risk of having people think that I am just as devoid of meaning. So I will answer your question...as if it were a question that had meaning. ...Now you let me know if I'm not talking about what you want me _talking_ about now."

Hey!...Journalism Mongers!

Why do you even put the "R-NH" or whatever after a politician's name? It has no meaning.

You will complicate the Marketers of Death's marketing.

You will force readers to assemble even a modicum of information about this politician.

This is a Judd Gregg Piece

Story

"In my view, there are limitations to academic freedom and freedom of speech," said U.S. Sen. Judd Gregg, R-N.H."

That's why Judd Gregg has always been a loser. Only in silence can corruption exist. Whyever do you want silence, Mr. Gregg?

"I believe it is inappropriate for someone [who might know what he's talking about] at a public university which is supported with taxpayer dollars [do what we say or we'll fire you] to take positions that are generally an affront [some kind of high-class badness] to the [bumfights] sensibility of most all [comatose] Americans," Gregg said."

Spinnin them lies, spinnin them lies. uh huh, uh huh. Spinnin them lies, spinnin them lies.

Maybe they just don't want The Troglodytes bombing the shit out of everything.

Story

"They're NotNice! Can't you see?! We defined that for you already in our...Crap-a-Thaurus! [reaches into sample case and pulls out a sheaf of paper with a coffee mug stain on it] "It's just after ContraUs. Let me find it..."

Yahoo! Music: Bedshaped by Keane

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Yahoo! Music: Knights Of Cydonia by Muse

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Knights Of Cydonia by Muse
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Yahoo! Music: Map Of The Problematique by Muse

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Map Of The Problematique by Muse
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What?

There is something hinky about this story.

Story

This is my day job:

A Red Bull is a dollar ninety nine.

A small Poland Spring Water is ninety-nine cents, whereas the next size up is $1.29 and the big one is 1.79.

A "regular size" Slim Jim (according to whatever metric I may have devised) is 1.09.

Candy is 80 cents. Unless it's someone I don't know. Then it's 90.

All potato chips in that aisle are ninety-nine cents. UNLESS it is from that one company, in which case they are a dollar nineteen.

We have scratch-off lottery tickets in denominations of 1 through 20 of your earth dollars. You are guaranteed to lose your comparative money just as quickly with any of them.

Tums are ninety nine, as are all other medicinals that people should have brought with them from their fancy lairs in New York.

That one beef jerky is 5.99. But for the weight, that two ouncer of that Vermont jerky for 2.99 is better.

I am sorry that you need to give me eighteen dollars and twelve cents for a sale that totals four dollars. I cannot magically know what combination of convenient change you would like. It's not that I don't know how to count change, it's that I got tripped up trying to figure out how you could be so asinine...

Nice Performance

They're not there for _you_... They're there for themselves...

[Fill your reality into this statement.]

The Emmy Award is a trap.

Yup.

I am a conscientious objector to all your bullshit. But I'm still going to kick your asses.

I need to see this.

There's some Rob Corddry stuff I want to see. Why don't those videos work?

I like your stuff.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

OK.

The only way you can escape this 3-Space prison is to avoid being tricked into believing a non-reality. Tricking one into embracing a non-reality is merely then a marketing task.

Therefore, to escape this 3-Space prison, you must embrace that nothing is real...

Yahoo! Music: I Was Born (A Unicorn) by The Unicorns

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I Was Born (A Unicorn) by The Unicorns
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Yahoo! Music: Green Is The Colour by Pink Floyd

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Green Is The Colour by Pink Floyd
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Whatever is inside my sample case?

A friend and I had a bet to see who could become famous first.

...This was all an exercise in marketing.

...But maybe I had something to contribute along the way...

In a loving sense, I am in complete control of your brain.

...And I won fifty bucks.

...

...And so much more...

----------------------------

Now:

Isn't this so much nicer than, "The entirety of the federal government should be killed immediately!"..?

Thought so.

Yahoo! Music: Yearning by Mono

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Yearning by Mono
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Did you sell those gift certificates yet?

Joe, whatever are you up to?

Joe, what do you really want?... Who do you really work for?

Story

What would you expect?

Have you seen how black people act recently? Maybe they deserve to go to the back of the bus.

Story

Hmmm...

This may be some kind of psy-op. I don't what this is about yet.

Story

What are you doing?

Nice marketing campaign.

They're watching television. Isn't that what you want?

Story

It's hard to have friends.

I once had to break off a personal relationship. I told a mutual friend, "Some day tell him this: It's because he could not have benefited by knowing me."

Yeah, here's my new marketing:

OK:

This is my new shtick:

I am a pissed-off, lonely drunk who accidently invented Fifth Generation Warfare. I am pissed off and drunk because I am a programmed killer...gone awry; my new target is my monstrous makers.

I retain all the powers and appurtenances pertaining thereto to my auto-installation into the offices of Transtemporal Courier and Supreme Ruler of 3-Space.

And I am just as beautiful as ever, and there is someone in this town who knows how to cut hair.

--------

By the way, I neglected to tell you that due to

Open up that sample case!

Story

No, now is _not_ the time. Your day in the sun didn't last a day.

What with Israel being a 9-11 actor and all, I guess the nature of those position papers will be changing... "Israel who?"

Confronted with the choice, members of Congress will shy away from the more damaging of the two advertising terms: "Anti-American" over "Anti-Semitic." ...They know where their bread is buttered. And they know that their constituents don't really give two shits about the plight of the Jews. They're more fired up about punishing the 9-11 Perpetrators. And, therefore, it would be Anti-American to support 9-11 actor Israel...you see...

Whoopsie Daisy: Marketing breakdown.

AIPAC's money is now the kiss of death.

That reversal happened pretty quick...

Rational Behavior

Reference Alert

Popular Mechanics is famous for "debunking" 9-11 "conspiracy theories" in the laziest way possible; they erect straw man arguments and then ride to the rescue to knock them down. "Some 9-11 conspiracy wingnuts even claim that space aliens did it. That's just silly talk. So logically, the government's story _has_ to be true." These "hit pieces" are easy to do in the pages of one's own magazine, but they don't stand up to an informed 9-11 Truther. The guy _had_ to cancel; he was going to get his ass handed to him.

Take even the most tongue-tied, ineloquent, disorganized 9-11 Truther and he will still win a debate.* All he has to do is pluck nuggets of truth from the 9-11 Truth Tree. He's got binders full of facts. His most difficult task is picking one.

It's no surprise that Popular Mechanics pulled out of the debate; it was a no-win.

No one ever wants to debate a 9-11 Truther on the facts:

...How did Building Seven fall right down? ...I'm all ears...

--------

*Postscript: I don't know what 9-11 Truther was slated to debate him. This piece doesn't involve him. It's not supposed to speak that way.

Yeah, great.

Your society has become completely asinine.

Story

This timing was better:

The original: "I checked my calendar. It's doomsday"

Not:

I checked my calendar its...doomsday

Your timing was impeccable to begin with.

Mmm.

Psychiatry is as often used to destroy minds as to heal them.

I find that very sad.

Yahoo! Music: Life In A Northern Town by Dream Academy

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Life In A Northern Town by Dream Academy
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Oh, so that's why.

I suppose the comedian is like the shark... ...Move forward or you're dead...

New Rule

You know...

I write far more happy material when I'm stoned than when I'm drunk. When I'm drunk, it's all cocksucking and killing jokes.

So unless you want me destroying the world, you will have me smoke more weed. ...Or the War on Drugs will have caused the destruction of the world.

And thus, of the metaverse.

...As you were...

You're not nice!

Oh, yeah, I fight dirty.

...Cos there's a lot at stake...

This is a nice crowd.

This is the story of my life.

It's easier to tell in a crowd than one-on-one...

...So thanks for coming...

Toot Toot

The Federal government essentially is being run as a corporation.

Your vote means nothing. You control nothing. ...You're the labor, remember?...

Seems like you need a labor union.

...Oh, wait... that's the meeting down at the docks...

Yahoo! Music: Cemetary Party by Air

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Cemetary Party by Air
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More...ass...laws...please!

Story

Let's codify the killing of people and sewing horse heads on little girls!

This is just so weird.

Do you know how famous I'm going to be? ...If the world doesn't end and I don't get killed, that is.

My new wood stove is actually quite advanced.

It's called a pellet stove. It burns biomass pellets. Shaped like rabbit food, they can be made of wood or corn.

I will be burning wood pellets. They are made of highly compressed hardwood shavings and sawdust. The pellet stoves are very efficient and burn about 95% clean, if I'm correct.

It's electronically controlled and runs from a wall thermostat. It uses electricity to run the blower, the pellet feed auger, and the control circuitry. It's really quite advanced. And it's a beautifully designed piece of...furniture almost. I have it installed in the living room. Big glass front, fake logs in it. Big, bright flame; it's like having a high-efficiency, low-maintenance fireplace running all the time.

I burned oil last year. I went through about 750 gallons of oil to heat this house last season. This year, I suppose it would cost about two thousand dollars to heat the house. So I bought a pellet stove. And a season's worth of pellets, about two tons. They come stacked on a pallet, in 40-pound bags. The stove and all the pellets will pay for themselves in 1.5 seasons. It's a no-brainer.

I'm Mister Y2K, so I know how to rig up car batteries and run the stove in the event of a power outage. And I still have the old wood stove in the cellar with a few cords of wood outside. So I can always burn that.

.

I have perfected my "21st Century, Space-Bound Hunting Lodge" look for my house. I have repainted the kitchen, the halls, the living room, and the dining room. I have a mounted, eight-point buck head above the fireplace. I bought it at a thrift store around here for $75. It would have cost $750 in New York, so New York has nothing on...Cootersville...

These are the colors of paint I have used whose names I like:

1. Gravel. A modern, lightly mossy green for the living room. It goes well with the shellacked pine paneling around the fireplace.
2. Sturdy Table. A resplendently delicious mid-brown, as the color of fine Swiss chocolate. In the hallways.
3. Lava, a demonstrative yet paradoxically subdued blue for the kitchen. Coupled with my $30 black-and-white-squares sticky tiles for the floor, it's quite an installation of whimsy and gravitas. You don't know what to think when you walk into this room.
4. Dansbury Down in the dining room. A brownish gray, with a defiant whisper of violet. Can't hear it? Come closer...you'll get punched in the face!

Yahoo! Music: Sleep On Needles by Sondre Lerche

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Sleep On Needles by Sondre Lerche
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I know what it feels like to be broken.

I recently watched again Stephen Colbert's routine at the White House Correspondents' Dinner or whatever. I paid attention to the footage from the other camera, the camera that captured Mr. Bush's reaction to the routine. Mr. Bush put on a nice display, narrowing his eyes, as if to say, "I'll get you." They were the affectations of a man confident in his own power.

You don't see that look anymore. In any recent video or still photo of Mr. Bush, you see only fear and defeat.

He is a broken man. And he knows this. He is only now ripe for redemption. His salvation is in his own hands; it will not come from without.

Hey, journalist types!

I hope you'll forgive my continued discussion of Colbert's and Stewart's shows. It's just that they're socially relevant in a way perhaps not fully appreciated.

These "terror alerts" and the nefarious plots that occasion them... Each of them has been debunked. I'm no fastidious record keeper; I can't recount for you the deficiencies in each. When a plot is debunked to my satisfaction, I move on. ...And I'm not an historian. I am a comedian. I am not obligated to provide footnotes. My job is to ridicule...and to conduct the occasional psy-op. ...You can certainly shoulder some of the burden for discovering the truth.

Television and print news in this country is garbage. Those media act as conduits for any manila envelope that may magically appear on the desk. That makes journalism pretty easy, I guess.

Considering that every "terrorist" plot trotted out has been debunked within a couple days, these organizations --upon receiving the manila envelope-- should report, "The government claims that this plot exists. Check back in a couple days and we'll let you know if it's true." Instead, they dutifully report that the plot exists.

History has proven that everything from the government is a complete lie --at least on matters of "war," "national security," and "terrorism." Why would you report as "news" the utterances of a known pathological liar? Do you...not _know_ that you're being lied to...or do you simply not care? In either case, you cannot --with a straight face-- claim to be journalists.

These "journalists" are happy to confuse the public by trumpeting the lie, but they ignore the subsequent debunking of it.

And that's where those two comedians come in. They offer the follow-up.

The public service provided by these two shows is far greater than all the "reporting" of all the print and television "news" departments combined.

Your society is in deep, deep trouble when you must rely on filthy, probably hard-drinking and otherwise unrespectable comedians to elevate the public understanding of events.

Hey, journalist types! You're being used! You are the conduits of information in somebody's psychological operation. In a psy-op, truth is not relevant. It's the emotional effect of the information that is desired. The liars in government know that no one in the mainstream news media will follow up on the debunking. When the falsehood is first disseminated, the damage is done.

So knowing this, don't you think --in the interest of disseminating the truth and all-- that you might hold off on splashing the contents of that manila envelope all over the place?

You're not fundamentally bad people... So what's wrong with you? Are you simply stupid...or are you in on it?

I'm convinced that if it were not for these two comedians' shows, that your society would be walking around with state-mandated anal temperature probes, waving ninety-nine-cent flags, boasting about how free you are.

And I thought insanity was something I could safely claim as my own special province...

Who's Left?

When the ship has sunk, the rats will climb atop one another.

Story

This is an engineered disclosure. Blair is apparently seeking to prevent his execution by distancing himself from The Supreme Leader of Cucka Land.

More retardo-talk

"These young democracies are still fragile, and the forces of terror are seeking to stop liberty's advance and steer newly free nations to the path of radicalism," Bush said in his weekly radio address.

Shut the fuck up, retard.

Yahoo! Music: Existentialism On Prom Night by Straylight Run

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Existentialism On Prom Night by Straylight Run
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A Tearful Plea

Reference Alert

"And as circumstances changed, the organization quickly adapted. By Tuesday, a day after the cease-fire in Lebanon, the ads were rotating with a modified commercial geared toward funding reconstruction: 'As the world chooses sides against Israel, will you stand on the sidelines?' Eckstein asks."

Not me! I'm right there with you!...getting a better look!

[shot of Troglodytes huddling in their shelters, wailing and turning on the waterworks] "Can't you please help us? [sniff] Send whatever you can... No contribution is too small. Everyone hates us. [sob] ...And we don't know why."

Yahoo! Music: Puff (The Magic Dragon) by Peter, Paul

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Puff (The Magic Dragon) by Peter, Paul
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Ex Cathedra Pronouncement No. 63

If the Congress doesn't get its shit together, I _will_ --for posterity-- print a list of everyone who received funds from 9-11 actor Israel --by whatever conduit.

Pssst...

I wonder if Allie knows that most of his people are gunning for his destruction.

Justice Department + Chief Legal Sophist Alberto Gonzalez = shit

And, Allie, you can talk lawful talk all you want. Your sins are manifest and will not be nullified by the use of the word "lawful."

"Lawful" is not an advertising term, you shitstain. It's what provides for a peaceable society --of which you are, quite obviously, an enemy. Who do you really work for? What are your true objectives?

The Eye of Sauron has alighted upon you.

When Israel begins its next...adventure... no one over-fight them. When the world sees Israel attacking those who only defend themselves, Israel will continue its moral death.

Yahoo! Music: These Are The Armies Of The Tyrannized by Kaki King

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These Are The Armies Of The Tyrannized by Kaki King
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Yeah, not really.

"When Israel is in the existential battle for survival that it now finds itself in, having people argue whether they are the best friend of Israel or the bester friend of Israel really shows the parameters of where the vast majority of public officials are in America today," said one "William Daroff, vice president of public policy at United Jewish Communities and a former Republican activist."

Yeah, not really. It's because 9-11 actor Israel will be erased. And the people in Congress are scared shitless at having received money from that entity.

Israel is a tick. ...And no one wants to be around when it's plucked.

Much worse than crap?

Oh... I wonder by whom...

Story

I've solved everything.

The problems of this country boil down to one simple thing: Bad philosophy.

guys with guns + bad philosophy = AssBananas

If you've got guys with guns and you've got AssBananas, then obviously you will have to change the philosophy part.

It's that whole, commie talk that these people spout.

The newspapers and magazines and news shows are full of filthy sophists. And they know it, which is what makes them all the more filthy.

This is all so surreal.

I was thinking this earlier:

I find it very fascinating that we have this energy-charged show going on, attended by all the right people...

And on television something completely different is going on, and in my hometown I'm just this weird guy who works at the gas station.

--------

Postscript 8/19/06, noon

This is so funny:

My neighbor had come over to help me install my new wood stove. I'm on the back porch, screaming at my computer, laughing to myself. Then I saw him seeing me.

That was embarassing.

But you have to understand that you cannot write a spoken-word piece without...actually...speaking it first.

You run the risk of having people see you talk and laugh to yourself.

It's an occupational hazard.

He didn't even go up this time.

Video

I can tell by the look in his eyes that he doesn't believe this shit anymore either.

I don't need the kind of protection your bosses are offering.

And, oh... You mean the fake transatlantic plot? It's been debunked already, you know.

Where's your zeal now?

Did your performance at this press conference net you a bonus for not shitting yourself?

And by the way, I know that The Marketers of Death cotton to the dictum of "know thy enemy." They read it in a book once, they think. But you can't know me by seizing upon a single word in a review that I once received. It's a shtick, stupid. It's not real. You can't fight something that isn't _real_. Get it? The comedian will always win...

Thinking Big

"Chris, don't you think a bit...big...sometimes?"

Sure. But no one ever got anywhere by thinking small.

Remember the Quick and Dirty Guide to Engineering Reality:

1. Form the positive intention. (Choose an intention that equalizes an energy imbalance in The Field.)

2. Pronounce the new reality.

3. Conduct yourself accordingly.

I added this one recently:

4. Ignore fear. It is a mindspoof.

Prescription for Success

(This is not addressed to the scratch-off lottery ticket set. Debating time for me is over. This is for those who get it.)

Things are coming down to the wire. 9-11 Truth is now mainstream. No one of any discernment believes government lies anymore.

If we operate from the eminently provable assumption that government is infested with 9-11 actors, and if 9-11 Truth is going mainstream, and if that Truth promises the prosecution of 9-11 actors, then we may reasonably conclude that elements in the government will go to any length to prevent their own prosecution. It is a prosecution that one would expect to be capital. What other punishment is appropriate for complicity in 9-11 and in the launching of disastrous wars founded on lies? It just seems reasonable that the 9-11 actors would fear for their very lives.

They will do anything to prevent their arraignment.

I fully expect a total crackdown, total martial law. This is good, you see, because you don't have to have trials and stuff. You just show up in the middle of the night and bundle people off to labor camps. If you don't just shoot him, that is.

This crckdown will be occasioned by the cover story of a major "terror" attack. Their actions have to be reasonable, right? And martial law is a "reasonable" response to protect the "homeland" against "attack," right?

Point is, when you hear that there has been a major "terrorist" attack, suspect that the hammer will fall. And if you have been --or present the capacity to be-- a thorn in the 9-11 actors schemes, that hammer will fall on you. Their thugs will snatch you up.

I will remind you that such an action is not a behavior of lawful government. No standard of civic behavior requires you to obey or countenance unlawful actions. Certainly, snatching people up because they're too close to the truth is not an action of lawful government. You have the consent of the finest legal minds thoughout history when you repulse such an action.

You need to have a plan. One, to avoid being snatched up, and two, for your continued survival in the legal no-mans-land in which we live.

Here are some tips:

1. Empty your safe-deposit box of anything valuable. DHS will not permit access to any safe-deposit boxes without the presence of an agent.

2. Keep all important documents, valuables, some cash, prescriptions, changes of clothes, food, toiletries, and any other necessities of your life in a back-up location. Also a radio and batteries. Not at your place of work. Not at your girlfriend's house. Somewhere that is not easy to associate with you. And remove the battery from your cell phone.

3. Be prepared to never return home. Be at all times ready to stop showing up to work. You have to be mentally and prepared to pick up and go at a moment's notice.

There are plenty others. Just do things that make sense.

So when you turn on the radio at work and you hear that a major "terrorist" event has taken place, know that the shock troops have already been positioned. Shut down the laptop, finish the donut, and leave. Say you're sick. Offer no other explanation. Don't go home. Proceed to your safe location.

If you can avoid the initial snatch-up period of the first few days, you will survive.

Carry a gun. If it is not legal for you to do so, you will have to weigh the relatively minor penalty of this infraction with the threat of being killed by thugs.

The Executive is not on your side. It is infested with people who seek to avoid their punishment. The news media --especially television-- are not on your side. They work for the same people for whom the Executive works. Your neighbors are not on your side. They don't know what's real. They will be very dangerous.

Good luck and godspeed,
Chris

Yahoo! Music: Layla by Derek

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Layla by Derek
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Your New Name

Oh, George, you're just...like...Mr. AssHead from now on, aren't you?

Story

More Tony Snow...retardations...!

Tony Snow, I shall not make sport of you right now, but I shall:

Story

I get it.

I get it... I get it... We do what we can... And I love you for that.

You not know chaos theory good.

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Humor 101

And Allie...

When you say, "those who mock the very law they seek the protection of," or whatever... Who's mocking the law here? You are a filthy law monger. You've indecently contorted it to suit your filthy needs.

Not to mention that when I say, "Blackstone BumBumHead, Vattel KookieBrain..." ...that's...what is known...as irony... It's, um, an important element of humor.

Oh, trust me... I'm out to kick your ass. And I will. ...But you're not even getting what jokes there are...

The Inbox just keeps getting bigger.

Allie, what the fuck are you gonna do about _this_?!

Story

Someone's been messing with your handiwork.

When I was in the Navy, I was an electronics technician of sorts, a Cryptologic Technician (Maintenance), Second Class. A CTM2. It was a good place to be. I installed and maintained cryptographic equipment and its related transmitters and receivers. I had an extremely high security clearance. ...Which meant that I rarely had to mop anything...you see...

I scored very highly on the military entrance exam. I went somewhere to take a test to qualify for the nuclear program, which was the most rigorous and prestigious of the "ratings," or job specialties.

I was 19. It was 1986.

I was hammered for the test at 8am and I failed by two points.

That was fine, as I went into a field that was probably way better.

I spent eighteen months in Pensacola attending the various crypto schools. We'd learn how to fix things, and how to handle keying material, how to identify spies and foreign agents, some moral training, The Rights and Responsiblities of a sailor... It was a good education. I did nothing for eight hours a day, six days a week but go to school on base. I loved it.

I'd go to the beach on the weekend with the other guys and we'd get crunk and we'd all pretend we were straight and we'd pick up girls...or something...

There's...at least at that time, anyway...there was a lot of queers in the Navy. Just so you know.

But anyhow, during my stay in Pensacola --I now understand-- I was selected for programming. This process involves methods that are not pleasant.

Over the years after my discharge in 1992, something happened. Something reprogrammed me.

I was to be a programmed killer. But now my target is my monstrous makers.

Death Star

Contrary to the fantasies of the architects of a global hegemon, the State is doomed. Technological and economic considerations make it an anachronism. The future is not a superstate, but no state. And good riddance.

The State is turning this earth into a death star.

DU will be used to salt the earth of any resisting population. The poisonous effects of DU are not only known, but exploited.

Want a future for the world? The State must be smashed. There is no other alternative. Oh, I know... you won't be getting your HappyTimeNicenessPrograms, but hey... you'll avoid destruction of your planet...and lots of EarIntestines.

And by the way, "Gulf War Syndrome" is depleted uranium poisoning. Think it will be local? Nope. DU dust travels around the globe.

If I were tasked with writing a science fiction story, I would posit that your species was being destroyed by some other, off-planet race of beings. "Just get these dipshits to kill themselves off. They're stupid enough to poison their own planet...all in the name of some misguided respect for 'the State.'"

Video

What's on TV tonight?

Your society is over. You know this, right?

Your species is in a fight for its very life. Your mortal enemy? The State.

-------------

I happened upon the metaphor of earth as death star somewhere on the internet. I don't recall where. Credit goes to whoever first came up with it.

Is your local homicide detective a conspiracy theorist?

You'd better hope so...or you've got a lot of the wrong people in jail.

9-11 Truthers

9-11 Truthers,

Many already know and live this caution. But I would remind those who may have forgotten:

Ignore the carnival barkers. They will attempt to muddy the waters with lies, in the hope that you will seize upon one of them and discredit yourself.

I have chosen the following linchpin events as proof that something is amiss:

1. WTC building Seven. How did it fall right down?

2. WTC buildings One and Two. How did they fall at near free-fall speed?

Proceed from those two anomalies and you'll unravel the whole lie.

If you are one who is not well versed in the methods of The Perpetrators, you should grab hold of things with caution.

Beware the United States Government. The executive branch is infested with 9-11 actors.

And leave it to me to give The Cucka People hell. I have prosecuted my show in such a way as to be impervious to their charges of being ContraThem. I will exact my revenge on the salesmen of lies. You will watch. That is the relationship here.

You not make good program.

And by the way, I don't much care for the keystroke logger on my computer. I suspect it came from my Yahoo! homepage.

Legal Stuff

I hereby grant a license to any party for the unrestricted publishing of any printed material contained in this show, "Here I Am," or from the ckpi.com website, provided that the bit, joke, or piece is conveyed in its entirety and is attributed to Chris King Pop Icon.

I grant a license for the rebroadcast of any video or audio pieces from the "Here I Am" show or from the ckpi.com website only, pursuant to some party's ability to comply with any license requirements from the copyright holder of any copyrighted music contained therein. Any video or audio must be conveyed in its entirety and be attributed to Chris King Pop Icon.

"Good, Fire, Hit Him" contains copyrighted music, employed by me for artistic purposes, as does "Canvas Control" and "I Wanna Dance."

Any video which does not appear in the "Here I Am" show or on my ckpi.com website may not be rebroadcast without my written permission, except in the case of my arrest or death. If that happens, do what you will with whatever you want.

Allie, stop showboating.

Reference Alert

Allie,

I read your erudite speech before the World Affairs Council. My compliments to your speechwriter... You mean the Commies are investigating me? Well, that would stand to reason...

Make sure you investigate my 4.0 evals from the military. And see if you can find the video of my re-enlistment ceremony, where I pledged to defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic. (And, yeah, that's you, as evidenced by your legal legerdemain.)

And you might want to stop reading my material; yours is starting to borrow too heavily from my style. It doesn't, you know, look good.

You know your peers ridicule you when you leave the room, right? They, too, call you Chief Legal Sophist Alberto Gonzalez.

You don't know the first thing about law. Legal mechanisms, yes. Law, no. This is fitting, considering that you preside over the most lawless Justice Department this country has had the misfortune of knowing.

You are the very antithesis of law. So I wear it as a badge of legitimacy that you have selected me for investigation.

In the end, Allie, it doesn't matter. I am small and powerless and can effect little change, remember?

In the end, I win.

Go ahead, Fuckwad. Make me famous. Help me deliver my payload in time.

I have an incentive to succeed: I burned my ship.

I will show up to work on time.

I'm sick of working at the gas station. Can I please be in a movie now?

I will need a train ticket and a hundred dollars so that I can get a decent haircut.

This is no way to run a campaign, little one.

Story

OK.

The Patriot Act had one function: To turn this country into a police state, which is an efficient system of governance.

The NSA eavesdropping apparatus in no way thwarts "terrorists". Its function was to help its architects know who is saying what about the 9-11 perpetrators.

Mr. Spencer, how much money are you receiving from 9-11 actor Israel?

The Thrifty Nickel needs a new headquarters.

I can't understand why the New York Times is constructing for itself a lavish new headquarters, at a cost of some 800 million dollars.

Selling lies may have been big business over the past five years. But the market has turned on a dime. In order to make the payments on such a monument to oneself, one must sell the truth.

You are hidebound by external interests. It is not possible for you to sell a truthful product.

You are not economically viable...because you are not economically relevant.

However do you expect to remain in business?

You're yesterday's news. ...As usual...

I have a limited amount of time in my day for research. When I read the Times at work, guess which section I turn to first? ...Arts. Fashion.

I read the New York Times so that I can know what people are wearing . now.

... ...

You contribute nothing. You are a malefactor to decency and liberty. And we vomit you out, as a poison.

Energy equalization is nearly done.

After watching and reading the various media over the past few days, it is apparent to me that 9-11 truth has gone mainstream.

Your days are numbered. We're done with your wars. We're done with your lies. We shall have our liberty. And the flag-waving, scratch-off-lottery-ticket set will be convinced that they saved freedom. Whatever. Let the retarded have their fantasy.

The accounting has begun. We'll take a snapshot and know where everyone stands.

Snap.

Here's my line:

"America is safer than it has been, yet it is not yet safe," Bush told reporters at the National Counterterrorism Center just outside Washington. "The enemy has got an advantage when it comes to attacking our homeland: They got to be right one time and we've got to be right 100 percent of the time to protect the American people."

Shut the fuck up, stupid.

Can I see some documentation on that?

I liked that Rushmore movie. I think all movies should have people dancing at the end.

Who wants to come up on stage?

So... In the movie of my life... Who gets to play some roles?...

I'm ready to turn in my medals.

I will tell you, as a veteran, that I am disgusted by what I see the military has become.

It no longer is a guarantor of justice. It is a craven order follower. It has allowed itself to be abused and debased. I'm ill to look at it.

I'm bored with my marketing.

I liked the transtemporal courier thing. And I --albeitly rather clumsily-- became The Supreme Ruler of 3-Space. (But I explained to you that the Zargonians agreed that I would be good at it, so we're good.)

I kind of like this "pissed off, lonely drunk" thing...as long as he retains his good looks and and his chiseled abs and good party banter. So I will keep you posted on my latest marketing.

Yahoo! Music: Phuture 2000 - Hybrid Remix by Carl Cox

Chris King Pop Icon (nowhere@ckpi.com) has sent you a page from the Yahoo! Music Engine.

Phuture 2000 - Hybrid Remix by Carl Cox
http://yme.music.yahoo.com/ymeNav/ymu/song/1651379

Personal message:

This is the music for the scene where I calmly approach my enemies and ask them whatever have they been up to. And they stammer and tell cockamamie stories. And then the space aliens come down and it's AssBanana People Killing Day. And then everyone dances and gets crunk as the scene fades and the credits roll.

---

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This one's falling apart, too.

[Chris raises hand] "Uh, Mr. Chertoff, these liquid bombers _did_ have nefarious plans to blow up transatlantic flights...at least while playing X-Box. What they did _not_ have was plane tickets, bombs, and, in many cases, passports. It would seem that the element of opportunity was lacking. ...And the whole hand lotion thing [rolls eyes in a Donnie Darko fashion] is just...asinine! And this "magical plot to mix common household items" is in perfect keeping with the fact that your bosses couldn't cobble together a plot that involved real explosives. The military has shut them off. What do you say to all that? Huh?"

"Well, Chris, what they were doing...was employing a new...protemporal...weapon!... you see... They are so advanced from that silly, old 20th century stuff that they had the ability to move through time! And present a threat in a protemporal frame while no threat exists in this one! That's...heavy-duty stuff. ...So that's why we need to throw people like you into our CommieCamps. ... Because if we don't, lots of 9-11 perpetrators in government will probably get killed. We can't have that. Next."

Hey, Cucka People!

What's next in your sample case of lies? Space aliens? We must thwart the space aliens in their attempt to modify our DNA? And to do this we must go to war with Iran and Syria?

How about this: What say we just destroy Israel and be done with it?

Good Riddance

Well The Troglodytes have gone home with their tails between their legs.

Like I said: Israel is morally dead. Its political death will come soon enough. Good riddance.

And if George Bush wishes to redeem himself, he'll jettison The Cucka People from his sphere of influence. He can only benefit from ignoring their standard lies.

I suppose the just thing to do at this point is to terminate the foreign aid to this tick and rebuild Lebanon.

They can fuck off.

A couple months ago, my cell phone got shut off again.

I have the money to pay the bill. It's just that I never think of it. ...And I'm saving the metaverse. So some things will have to give...

I'm like, "Fuck it. Fuck the NSA. Fuck the government. Fuck the system." So I refused to pay the bill. And I have not had a phone for two months. Not that I talked to anybody anyhow. I was paying for five hundred minutes a month and using about eight. "I have a phone because I fancy myself a member of society."

I will pay them. I will buy out the contract. ...As soon as I have a break in saving the world. But I'm going to leave the phone shut off. The phone company can go fuck itself for its complicitude in shittiness!

Yahoo! Music: The Boys Are Back In Town by Thin Lizzy

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The Boys Are Back In Town by Thin Lizzy
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Personal message:

Have I told you that we're kicking your fucking asses? Know why? The entertainment value of our material is greater than yours. The FuturePeople will listen to us more... And you can't censor comedians, right? This is Freedom Land, right? Oh, no... marketing breakdown...

---

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Yup. I'm sure this actually happened.

Story

I _will_ write material about Mr. Bush's thoughts on existentialism. I just don't have time right now.

Chaotic Opportunities

Agents of Truth,

I will remind you that if you allow The Perpetrators to prosecute events on their schedule, you will lose. You must reshake the "kaleidoscope" by inputting energy. You must shake things up. If you do this, they can't calculate for their war game. But if the pieces get settled, that's it.

You must always keep The Perpetrators on the defensive. Or you will lose.

Now is no time for timidity.

You need to get spanked.

"What helped the British in this case is the ability to be nimble, to be fast, to be flexible, to operate based on fast-moving information," he said. "We have to make sure our legal system allows us to do that. It's not like the 20th century, where you had time to get warrants."

Mr. Chertoff, this is not relevant considering that 9-11 was an inside job. Are you...are you in on it? Why else would you need to get rid of people without some due, public process? Are you...up to no good?

It's not like in that silly, old 20th Century where the Communists and Nazis used exactly such methods... Mr. Chertoff, are you...are you a Communist?... Or a Nazi?... Oh, silly me... they were just fronts for businesssmen, anyhow. ...So if they're businessmen, and if the prize is the world, then wouldn't they hire the best marketing people? If they chose you, their campaign is doomed to the remainder bin. ...As so much of it already has during the last five years... What other bright ideas do you have?

"Chertoff made the comments on 'Fox News Sunday' and ABC's 'This Week.'" Well, I guess we know what not to watch. Not that we did, anyway, for exactly this reason.

Story

And yeah: I'm officially ContraYou. [wag of finger]

Market Research

It was instructive to watch the audience reaction to the Jon Stewart bit about the "opportunity" of the Middle East and...9-11 --The piece called, "Forced Perspective".

The audience was down with the 9-11 stuff. They've known that for some time. They just needed someone to tell them they weren't crazy.

I don't know what the fancy comedy word for it is in your little world of Schadenfreude Land, but I'd say this is a fuckin motherlode of material.

[chris scribbles in notebook] "No more dating jokes. Hoveround and 9-11 jokes _only_ from now on."

.

The comedian is both the illusionist...and the destroyer of illusion...

I hate your...ass...face...anyhow!"

Even though I still intend to destroy the New York Times, one, out of boredom, and, two, because they've been bad, I still must come to their defense.

While it is true that the New York Times sat on that eavesdropping story for a year, thus writing the joke that the New York Times is all the news that's fit to print...a year later...there's probably more here.

-If criminal elements of the government were in on 9-11, and
-If criminal elements of the government were eavesdropping, and
-Assuming that those criminal elements might be interested in knowing who might drop the dime on them, then
-One may reasonably conclude that those criminal elements had been illegally wiretapping various media outlets and journalists, including the New York Times.

In my notebook I would erase the question mark and instead draw a star next to this thesis:

"Was the New York Times 'leaned on' by criminal elements in the government to remain silent until after the election?" To be fair, I will point out that you can't conclude this without being satisfied in your belief of domestic complicity in 9-11. I am.

And whyever criminal elements would want George Bush and Dick Cheney to remain in office, I just can't understand...

And what well-heeled backers of a politician would ever tolerate the influences of criminal elements on "their" man...unless...they, themselves, were the criminal elements...

So who chiefly financed their elections? ...There you'll find the criminal elements behind the wiretapping and 9-11... Oh my... I just can't stop pouring gas on this, can I?

And whyever would Chief Legal Sophist Alberto Gonzalez concoct ever more fantastical legal theories to make the activities of these criminal elements...acceptable and mainstream? Allie? Are you these criminal elements'...concilieri? Oh, wait; logically, you can't be... ...They pick smart ones for that. Whew! You're safe.

So let's cut the New York Times some slack. ...Until I rip them a new one.