I walk about on a very strange stage. It is one that may exist only inside my mind. But I have faith. I have faith that powerful people are in my audience. I have faith that they want to save the world as much as I do. I have faith that I perform a useful function.
We're going to start a new segment of the show. I call it "Select," as in select audience. This select audience is comprised of world leaders. I will title such pieces with a "Select:" at the beginning of the title of the piece.
For clarity of communication's sake, I will never employ irony in a Select piece. It would lead to miscommunication. Select pieces will be straight talk.
Perhaps the greatest contribution that I, as the deeply flawed jester, can provide is to advance the cause of joy in the world through cajolery of the audience, ego stroking, stern reprimands, and as a guidon for those in the Army of Decency.
If it is true that I have world leaders in my audience, then I must not abuse that power. I must act responsibly. Other pieces of mine may employ irony, name calling, epithets, scatological humor, and all other manner of foolishnesss. But Select pieces will be more sober. They will be as responsible as I can manage.
My true power lies in the plausible deniability of me. No one reads my blog, remember? No one has to confess to having read it, right? Chris is just insane. That's our defense. He's a kook. So when we're done saving the world, everyone goes about their business. Everyone saves face. And Chris goes back to work at the gas station. All goes back to normal.
Everyone gets to deny that they're taking their cue from the jester, but everyone gets the benefit of knowing that all other significant world leaders are in the audience, too.
I will ask for concessions from all parties. I will see that all parties get something out of it. But not everyone is going to get everything they want.
What do I want from you? In exchange for my straight talk, I demand straight "listening." We all know the score... Please don't insult my intelligence by feigning indignance. I _can_ feel my audience's reaction. It is a peculiar ability of the stage performer...
I will require feedback from the Select audience. I read the news and I take note of what is said. I am very good at understanding the meaning of diplomatic talk. It is useful to me that you flag an utterance to me by incorporating a word or sentiment that I would recognize. Speak to me... Do it in a subtle way so that you may later deny any special meaning in the utterance.
And when it's all fixed, no one has to know about me. And everyone gets to deny that they ever heard of that silly kook who thought he had world leaders in his audience.
I will continue in the next piece, "Select: Our Situation"
