"Pakistani government sources tell ABC News they have "credible reports" that Osama bin Laden and his entourage have moved down from high mountainous peaks along the Afghan border to a valley area 40 miles inside the Pakistan border."
Story
I can't imagine a less relevant piece of non-information. You would never see such a story in the alternative press (which I am tempted these days just to call "the press," because 1. It's not important, and 2. It's likely not true. (Where did your manila envelope come from? Pakistani ISI? The same people who wired $100,000 to "Al Qaeda" operatives in 2001? Please get with it.)
ABC Newsroom:
[people sleeping, slumped over in their reclinable task chairs. snoaring. lucite journalism awards in the awards case, presented to ABC News for its valiant efforts in the War on the OmniThreat. slumber is interrupted by a loud "whump" as a manila envelope is dropped on the desk. journalist awakens with a start.]
"Holy shit, everyone! Look! It's the scoop of the year!" [journalist searches for his letter opener and opens the envelope]
"See? This is why you bloggers will never match our power-house reporting! We've got the contacts to get this kind of comedy gold! Lessee... [reads envelope contents and eyes widen] Oh my god... !He's on the move! Wake up, everyone! Bin Laden's on the move! [journalist runs around newsroom and slams his palm down on desks, waking everyone up] I can't imagine a less relevant piece of information, but it takes up airtime at zero investigative cost, so let's run it! !RUN IT! Hurry! Before the bloggers turn their noses up at it! And before that kook ridicules it!"
