Sunday, June 25, 2006

That Holocaust(R) Bit

[Oh, hey... I didn't hear you come in. I was in the kitchen, whipping up a shit sandwich for those teary-eyed, do-what-we-say-or-we'll-smear-you Jews.

Hmmm... Try this hors d'oeuvre in the meantime... I wrote this on the occasion of receiving a tearful plea that I genuflect at the local Holocaust museum.]

A retooled version of "That Holocaust(R) Bit":

Periodically, some Jew on TV will bellyache (because you know it's something...) they'll bellyache about the enormity of the callousness of humanity that resulted in the horrific and palpably lamentable deaths of six million Jews! "And by the way, can we have these mineral rights, er, I mean, our ancestral homeland over here..."

By any objective count, governments worldwide killed some 100 million civilians during the 20th century.

What's your marketing? Six? Tell you what... I'll go four better... Let's make it ten. Let's say ten million were killed in this monstrous event known as "The Holocaust(R)" (As if the other ninety million poor bastards don't count...)

My question to you is this: What makes you so fuckin special? My answer: Want my pity? Turn off the waterworks and take a number. There's ninety million people in line ahead of you.

I don't give a shit about your Holocaust(R). Got it?

Ouch. Go home and lick your wounds. And then think up new marketing.


[Oh, you've got my pity all right...if you can pull this number off with a straight face....tip toeing over the other ninety million corpses... Lookin good... "Bang the drum slowly! Look at our suffering! Trot out those corpses, their memories be damned!"

I rather liked this joke. Five minutes' work destroyed sixty years' worth of product positioning. Oopsie.

Jokes are forever. Enjoy it...]