I was at some gas station today buying beer and delicious cigarettes. On the checkout counter they had some of those crowd-pleasing, patriotic playing cards. I bought a pack, but not before pointing out to the clerk that I thought them completely asinine. I told him I needed them for research purposes. He forgave me.
The Ace of Spades shows none other than Lord Pistonbottom, Pastor in Chief.
The original copy, a quote from The Lord's PR person, reads thusly:
"Operation Iraqi Freedom was carried out with a combination of precision, speed and boldness the enemy did not expect, and the world had not seen before. You have shown the world the skill and might of the American armed forces."
I took the liberty of making some changes. I white-outed the copy and expertly calligraphed my version:
"Hi. My name is Lord Pistonbottom, Pastor in Chief. Some people still call me the Supreme Leader of Cucka Land. That's because I was the decider of letting Jeff Gannon slip it to me. Right in the White House, just moments after praying with the Rosary Bead-Fingering Set. The god I worship, Lucifer, turned out to be impotent. Seems we couldn't light a fire in the minds of men, after all... I started to think that I was really something: I was a war hero and a military mastermind. I lied my ass off to you and ruined your country. Oh, and I was in on 9-11. I'm a sociopathic mass murderer. Please don't let The Field send me to a sea of energy with no informational structure. Thanks."
