I've never had one. And I'm not sure that I have the whisker-density to support such an undertaking. But who cares.
A full beard with mustache, one amorphous mass of hair growing down my neck to meet my chest hair, a big, overgrown frightful thing. It will communicate to all, "Don't fuck with me because I obviously don't give a shit."
And I will hang a hand-lettered card around my neck that reads:
MUSTACHE RIDES: 5 ¢