Monday, December 03, 2007

Here's my new revenue model.

To recap:

There is a cost associated with mounting any creative undertaking: The frame of mind into which one must place oneself in order to create something new is not the frame of mind that is conducive to holding down a real job or pursuing a career. Pick one, but the creative type cannot have both. (Or, at least, I cannot. It doesn't work that way for me. You want the crazy? Then I have to be in a state of mind that permits the crazy; crazy at a technology company doesn't cut it.)

I pay real money, in lost wages from a real job, to carry on this show.

What are my professional goals? To get a TV show? To have a fashion line? No; my professional goal is to finally get booed off the stage so that I can stop this life-draining show. What started out as a lark has completely consumed me. Trust me: I would like nothing more than to get on with my life. I want to make real money and date, neither of which I can do while carrying on this show.

This is what you will do:

You will open up your wallet and take out a twenty-dollar bill. (Or a ten. Or a five. I don't care; just make some kind of effort. I just want some sign that I'm not playing to "friends" who come over to my house just to eat the snacks and wipe their cheese-flavoring fingers on the arms of the couch and then go home. Because if that's all it means to anyone then we'll all just agree to call it a good run and just stop.)

So open the wallet. Take out a twenty. Put it in an envelope. Mail it to:

Chris King
PO Box 138
Westminster Station, VT 05159

If you do not do this, then you are not welcome in my show. Stop reading my material. You're not doing me any favors by reading me. Again, remember my professional goal.

If you fail to donate yet continue to read my material, then know that you are a freeloader. You are instructed to leave.

I cannot afford to pay for a 5000-seat venue when I have only fifty paying customers. I'd rather spring for a fifty-seat venue and have a more intimate show.

It's simple economics.

I'm a computer guy. Comedy in no way figures into my career plans. This show is not an investment in my future.

This show is a revenue sink. And it had better stop costing me money or I will terminate it.