There are way too many of you. Some of you have to go.
Along the way, some unsuitable folks have wandered into the backroom of this shit-hole bar where I perform. Fully ninety percent of my audience needs to get lost like now. You're stinking up the place. And you're ruining the vibe.
Get lost if:
1. You have a granite countertop in your house.
2. You drive a car worth more than twenty thousand dollars.
3. You watch TV.
4. You play videogames.
5. You think newspapers have news in them.
6. You shit yourself on a regular basis.
7. You are respectable.
8. You can pretend that everything is OK.
Go find yourselves a martini bar.
I mean it: Leave. And don't come back.
I am openly inviting most of you to fuck off. Trust me: I couldn't give a shit less if anyone sticks around; I'd get to go home early and tend to my own business.
Fully ninety percent of my audience is in the wrong show.
Why you ever thought you would be a good fit here, I have no idea. Watch more TV; you'll get even smarter.
Get the fuck out of my show.
